Thursday, August 26, 2004

finally i came online. why? cos i xin qing bu hao.. can say i had quite a terrible day. during netball, we played friendlys wid fairfield. coach kept shouting and raving at me. why? she thought that everything was my fault. she blamed me for not catching the ball. she even scolded me for not being able to shoot in those balls. well.. maybe it was MY fault. maybe she was too agitated. oh whatever. but i just felt like cryin at that tym.. i held back those tears. and mrs tham was there to encourage me. i felt a bit better. but coach was to seriously mad wid me. got over it after tt. then after netball, coach talked to us for so long until she released us at 6.40 p.m sho late. i had to go home already. or not i'm sure my mum will explode. then after tt.. skip that part.. sighs. dowanna talk bout it. well, then when i alighted the bus, in my anxiety to rush home asap, i rushed across the road right in front of the bus. and guess what? this huge lorry was at high speed and it almost killed me. and really meant almost. at that tym, my heart seemed to stop beating. it was onli a matter of millliseconds that the lorry knocked me down. at that tym, i FINALLY found out how precious life was.. i wasn't prepared to die. well, for all u know, if the lorry realli knocked me down, you would be attending my funeral. already. oh great.. have u ever experience some big vehical gg at such a high speed that it is only less that 5 cm away from you and at that moment you were in the momentum to rush all out to go across the road and realised how lucky you are u din start runnig acorss the road? damn.. it was scray. haix.. nbm.. just feeling sho damn down. but i realised how precious life was.. for the first tym.. i feel glad to be alive although many a times i am always troubled with thousands of problems. sighs.. anyway, to that someone.. i'm really sorry. i know it's my fault. i din mean to leave you alone like that.. but maybe if you were me, you might have understood.. but i know.. ultimately.. it's MY fault.. sorry. maybe i wasn't understanding enough.. i was being so unsensible at that time.. i din mean to... everything comes to a conclusion: i suck;no one cares bout me. sorry for makin you flare up tym and again. i'm always the cause of everything. sorry..


[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 8:59:00 PM


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Thursday, August 19, 2004

so how was today to me? it was kinda fine.. slightly better than ytd.. but i still dun feel good.. i hate feeling down.. nbm.. dowan bother anyone.
dad asks me to get out of the netball team. he says netball has made me have so many unwanted injuries. as much as i wanted to quit, i knew i couldn't. i don't know why.. but i just couldn't.. and alina became the new captain!! woohoo! feel sho sho sho happy for her, thou she doesn't wanna be.. but still!! it was one additional thing that brightened me up. and are there medicines out there to cure mental problems? cos i think i need one. soon enough, i'll make my way down to see a pyschologist. what the hell is wrong.. everyone's changing.. slowly, one by one, everyone changes.. maybe for the good or for the worst. but the worst thing is that, you don't know that you yrself is changing.. only people around you realise that.. god.. wad rubbsih am i talkin... someone please bring me to see a psychologist..


[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 9:29:00 PM


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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

olympics started lers!!! yays!! hmm.. i'm kinda mad over olympics. oh well.. nbm.. ehhh.. nth to blog lers.. wan blog bout some particular things, but.. i shall not! cos.. i dowan to. nvm..shall refrain myself. unless i realli explode one day. and i had better not. you had better not provoke me any further. sighs.. these few days muh luck ish beri bad.. but on the other hand, things surprisingly goes on quite smoothly? yeps.. must have been the curse of friday the 13th. oh well.. whatever. no mmod to blog lers. takkaire!


[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 9:11:00 PM


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Monday, August 02, 2004

bwahhahahaha.. feeling kinda high now! taken drugs? nopes. i onli took 'drugs'. hehes. i'm mad i'm mad i'm mad!! hehes. shan't elaborate =) sighs. she's feeling kinda confused, and i can't do ath to help. sho useless of me. i've become oblivious to my surrounding happenings.. only found out when i read their blogs. to tHoSe ppls out there, if u know hu u are, cheer upx! u can do it! i have total faith in you! jiayou wors! you're gonna do it! trust me. everyone has faith in you! jiayou! =)) hehes. lalalas. today gort sci test. i think i'm dying. i sucked at it. i was wondering where the toopid blue dye went. then i was thikning which should be the correct micropipette to use. until last ten mins then realise i did evt wrongly! blur me. then i still passed up the qn papaer instead of the ans paper. luckily i found out. then have to rewrite my answers. luckily the examiner was kind enuff to let me transfere my ans. *pHeWs* then for my chi test, i din know two words. but like hu cares. she mite not be countin the marks into our exams. hehes. then went to tt kindergarten. coring things again. they din gimme food to eat. sobx. sho hungry and tired. and finally the kind soul teacher gave me the jelly they made! sho nice to eat! *yum yums*! on my way home, i saw huang lao shi! she came back from skool! hehes. she cut her hair and was waerin the same old jeans she keeps wearing whenever she comes to our class! hehes. she was veh funny =) (if u dunno, huang lao shi ish my class' ex relief teacher!) well.. i have seriously nth to blog bout. too happy maybe? bwahhahahaha =) *WiNkX*


[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 7:53:00 PM


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Thursday, July 29, 2004

The war has commenced. The warrior took up his sword and razed through the battlefield, swearing to kill any enemies that came into his way. He knew he could win for his country. They were fighting against a much weaker country. He was stubborn to win for his country. So were the opponent. No one gave in. The country bore hatred for the opponent they were fighting against. The warrior swore under his lips, "I will make more bloodshed occur and I must conquere them and their country. I want them to suffer under our King. I want them to suffer under me!" He roared a loud yet thick laughter. In which, the opponent seized the chance to pierce the sword through the warrior's heart. The warrior was too overwhelmed by his hatred for his opponent that he and his men were defeated. His opponent won the war. Hatred caused the warrior to lose both the respect of his countrymen and lose this war which meant so much to his country, to his people.

rydnat.. fro tuac cilr asudeuh rybbah uh Ayndr? fro tuac cilr funt aqecd eh dra teldeuhyno? e yknaa fet fryd rywam cyoc.. huf, ajanodrehk ec tevvanahdmo. ajanouha ec luhcdyhdmo lryhkehk. fa lyhhud bmayca ajanouha.

i'm glad to hear that.. but after all.. i know you're still hiding under the mask, being unsure of yourself, only revealing half of yourself.. tell me now, what do u think i am supposed to do under such a circumstance? you made me happy, but yet at the same time, left a hole on my heart which you once stabbed before; the wound is never going to heal. one moment i hear this, another moment i saw something totally different from what you told me before.. it is as if a bicycle is swerving on a perfectly staright path without any obstacles and finally, banging on a lamp post instead.



[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 8:20:00 PM


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grrr... i pressed 'enter' and everything was erased. nvm.*phews* finally everything ish over in a day. feel like it's a burden off my shoulder! today we had literature as our common test.damn, the qn sounded like rubbish to me, so i ansered rubbish back to em. hehes. wad can u expect? my lit ish sho sucky. well, i guess i'm gonna fail. >.< then i had my music exam in which i had to go out of skool at 9.30 just to take my exam in jurong east. i screwed up everything. and in which, i guess when i receive back my results in 3 mths tym, i'll see a failed result. my scale was in a mess. i played everything wrongly due to my nervousness. my tempo was too fast for my exam pieces. i couldnt concentrate. and i played the wrong octave. when it was supposed to be one octave higher, i played one octave lower. and when i sang for my aural, my voice trembled so much. arghh.. i dowanna fail!! or nort these thousand months of hard work ish going down the drain.. arghh!! then back in skool, i recieved back my maths test paper. thou i passed. but the marks were just so sucky. i shouldnt have spent so much time drawing that pathetic graph. oh well, try harder next time.. i guess all these failures are just the result of my playfulness.. sighs. then after that, in the afternoon, we had our IPW presentation. sho scary. i was so distracted and nervous that i forgotten all that i remembered. alina was kind enough to promt me. or not i would've died. mr surin stopped us before we could conclude. then we had to do our personal reflections. i was frantically serching my brain files for my personal reflection, but nth came out. my brain died out on me. then i onli said like 2 sentences when mr surin agreed wid me and told me that USA's child abuse is veri bad. then, subsequently, he cut me off my speech and anjelina took over. my personal reflection was the suckiest amongst all of em. i guess my marks will be lesser than em. ahh!! but anyways, mr surin said our grp was one of the best he had seen for the day. so can say a bit an1 wei4 larhs. hehes. =) wells, after that, as i still had m/c from netball, i went out instead. went to eat lunch wid joycelyn and marcela. then we went home. on my way home, i had an urge to borrow books. so i went back to westmall. but when i wanted to borrow those books, i found out i was in debt to the libary. but i din rmb returning my lib books late. must have been my sister. arghh.. haix.. sho had to put those books back to shelf. nbm, shall go there tmr. =)

hmmmss.. guess i'm feeling much better. dunno why alsho. but i'm still tired of the life that i am living it. this totally sucks. i bet any of u wud understand what i'm gg thru.. but i guess there are some ppl out there suffering a much more worst state than me.. so should i be happy? i don't know. but one thing i can say is that, please do not malign others without knowing the truth. find out the truth first before saying anything. cos what you think, might not be true..



[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 5:11:00 PM


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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

am i supposed to believe it? am i supposed to pretend that i was being ignorant of such things? what should i do? i'm just so at a loss now.. dun think anyone knows what is going on in my mind. am i supposed to be happy? or am i supposed to be sad? what am i supposed to do? someone pls tell me.. i have lost my directions in life and don't know how to retrace my steps back.. why did things turn out this way?.. i wonder.. my life totally sucks.. what is this world coming to? forget it, i know i suck, it isnt the world that sucks. today ms loh was angry wid us, esp our attitude. wadeva lors. first tym i seriously saw the bad temper she had. she was practically shouting at us lors. quite a number of ppl became frustrated wid her. me for instance. i dunno why after hearin her screaming and shouting, i suddenly felt veh bad tempered. then following tt, i had fever (great, i'm sure everyone's rejoicing over me gettin sick. everyone can't wait to see me die). ms loh must have rosen my blood pressure, prior to tt, it must have been those stress and worries for past few days tt added on to it. feeling both hot and cold at the same time. this is the downhill of my life.. darn.. ms ong saw tt i wasnt right then she was sho concerned until she exempted me from listening her lesson. then ms tay came in after tt for her lesson and asked if i'm okay. ms ong sho big mouth go tell everyone =X then, worst still, mrs tan came in during tay's lesson and told me to go home. i din wan to. then she kept insisting someone to accompany me home, i told her no nid, then she say she help me pay for my cab. still say if i dowan cab, gort teachers willing to drive me home. wahahahah.. but i dowan.. then i lied to mrs tan, sayin that alina can send me home. *phews* then when skool ended, 3 ppl,weikeat, junhao and alina 'accompanied' me home in a cab. and he paid .. for the fare and din wan accept my money. feel sho guilty.. yeps.. anyways, i hope the fever will burn my brain and i'll become a vegetable. in tt way i dun nid face so many problems in my life which i'm troubling over now.. i know i'm running away from the situation.. but what can i do? it pains me to face the same situation everyday over and over again. if u think wad i'm sayin is rubbish, then suit yrself. haix.. what am i supposed to do? and i know i'm facing this situation alone lers. it's up to me to change everything.. but how?  i don't know.. Lord give me strength to continue on.. if u know what i'm talking bout, then good for u. if u don't know, jus treat wad i'm sayin at trash. i'm totally hopess. i suck to the core.. haixx.. why can't just be like some other ppl out there.. thou they have problems similar to mine, they just treat it as if nth happened. why can't i be like them? why? it's unfair.. i hate the emotions that was given to me. i hate being emotional. i hate being possessive. i hate every single thing about me



[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 3:47:00 PM


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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

hypocrites.. suckers.. bitches.. hatred.. jealously.. why does this kinds of emotions happen in the world? human are such evil creatures. everyone has sinned.. but the worst sin to commit is not admitting to have sinned.. innocence and purity is just a fantasy.. it only happens in new born babies.. if i could turn back the time, i wud have chosen to have taken the other path of route.. if i could have turned back time, i'm sure that my heart and head wun be filled with full of regrets that can't be resolved.. i can't look back. it's too painful for me.. i cant look forward, cos i cant predict the future.. i cant predict what would happen then.. will it be better or worst. i can only think about how to go about today being filled with all those mixed emotions.. negative emotions will only pull u down.. why did everything chang so drastically? no one is going to give in in this man-to-man-hatred world. damn everything sucks.. still suffering from a state of shock.. what's wrong with me.. what's wrong with the world... sighs


[LuB iSh] `][=*^Me-To-You+/*][` [iN tHe AiR]
LaZi GaL mIsSeD u @ 12:09:00 PM


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