sToLeN mEmOrIeS

2004-08-26T20:59:00.000+08:00

finally i came online. why? cos i xin qing bu hao.. can say i had quite a terrible day. during netball, we played friendlys wid fairfield. coach kept shouting and raving at me. why? she thought that everything was my fault. she blamed me for not catching the ball. she even scolded me for not being able to shoot in those balls. well.. maybe it was MY fault. maybe she was too agitated. oh whatever. but i just felt like cryin at that tym.. i held back those tears. and mrs tham was there to encourage me. i felt a bit better. but coach was to seriously mad wid me. got over it after tt. then after netball, coach talked to us for so long until she released us at 6.40 p.m sho late. i had to go home already. or not i'm sure my mum will explode. then after tt.. skip that part.. sighs. dowanna talk bout it. well, then when i alighted the bus, in my anxiety to rush home asap, i rushed across the road right in front of the bus. and guess what? this huge lorry was at high speed and it almost killed me. and really meant almost. at that tym, my heart seemed to stop beating. it was onli a matter of millliseconds that the lorry knocked me down. at that tym, i FINALLY found out how precious life was.. i wasn't prepared to die. well, for all u know, if the lorry realli knocked me down, you would be attending my funeral. already. oh great.. have u ever experience some big vehical gg at such a high speed that it is only less that 5 cm away from you and at that moment you were in the momentum to rush all out to go across the road and realised how lucky you are u din start runnig acorss the road? damn.. it was scray. haix.. nbm.. just feeling sho damn down. but i realised how precious life was.. for the first tym.. i feel glad to be alive although many a times i am always troubled with thousands of problems. sighs.. anyway, to that someone.. i'm really sorry. i know it's my fault. i din mean to leave you alone like that.. but maybe if you were me, you might have understood.. but i know.. ultimately.. it's MY fault.. sorry. maybe i wasn't understanding enough.. i was being so unsensible at that time.. i din mean to... everything comes to a conclusion: i suck;no one cares bout me. sorry for makin you flare up tym and again. i'm always the cause of everything. sorry..

2004-08-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

so how was today to me? it was kinda fine.. slightly better than ytd.. but i still dun feel good.. i hate feeling down.. nbm.. dowan bother anyone.
dad asks me to get out of the netball team. he says netball has made me have so many unwanted injuries. as much as i wanted to quit, i knew i couldn't. i don't know why.. but i just couldn't.. and alina became the new captain!! woohoo! feel sho sho sho happy for her, thou she doesn't wanna be.. but still!! it was one additional thing that brightened me up. and are there medicines out there to cure mental problems? cos i think i need one. soon enough, i'll make my way down to see a pyschologist. what the hell is wrong.. everyone's changing.. slowly, one by one, everyone changes.. maybe for the good or for the worst. but the worst thing is that, you don't know that you yrself is changing.. only people around you realise that.. god.. wad rubbsih am i talkin... someone please bring me to see a psychologist..

2004-08-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

olympics started lers!!! yays!! hmm.. i'm kinda mad over olympics. oh well.. nbm.. ehhh.. nth to blog lers.. wan blog bout some particular things, but.. i shall not! cos.. i dowan to. nvm..shall refrain myself. unless i realli explode one day. and i had better not. you had better not provoke me any further. sighs.. these few days muh luck ish beri bad.. but on the other hand, things surprisingly goes on quite smoothly? yeps.. must have been the curse of friday the 13th. oh well.. whatever. no mmod to blog lers. takkaire!

2004-08-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

bwahhahahaha.. feeling kinda high now! taken drugs? nopes. i onli took 'drugs'. hehes. i'm mad i'm mad i'm mad!! hehes. shan't elaborate =) sighs. she's feeling kinda confused, and i can't do ath to help. sho useless of me. i've become oblivious to my surrounding happenings.. only found out when i read their blogs. to tHoSe ppls out there, if u know hu u are, cheer upx! u can do it! i have total faith in you! jiayou wors! you're gonna do it! trust me. everyone has faith in you! jiayou! =)) hehes. lalalas. today gort sci test. i think i'm dying. i sucked at it. i was wondering where the toopid blue dye went. then i was thikning which should be the correct micropipette to use. until last ten mins then realise i did evt wrongly! blur me. then i still passed up the qn papaer instead of the ans paper. luckily i found out. then have to rewrite my answers. luckily the examiner was kind enuff to let me transfere my ans. *pHeWs* then for my chi test, i din know two words. but like hu cares. she mite not be countin the marks into our exams. hehes. then went to tt kindergarten. coring things again. they din gimme food to eat. sobx. sho hungry and tired. and finally the kind soul teacher gave me the jelly they made! sho nice to eat! *yum yums*! on my way home, i saw huang lao shi! she came back from skool! hehes. she cut her hair and was waerin the same old jeans she keeps wearing whenever she comes to our class! hehes. she was veh funny =) (if u dunno, huang lao shi ish my class' ex relief teacher!) well.. i have seriously nth to blog bout. too happy maybe? bwahhahahaha =) *WiNkX*

2004-07-29T20:20:00.000+08:00

The war has commenced. The warrior took up his sword and razed through the battlefield, swearing to kill any enemies that came into his way. He knew he could win for his country. They were fighting against a much weaker country. He was stubborn to win for his country. So were the opponent. No one gave in. The country bore hatred for the opponent they were fighting against. The warrior swore under his lips, "I will make more bloodshed occur and I must conquere them and their country. I want them to suffer under our King. I want them to suffer under me!" He roared a loud yet thick laughter. In which, the opponent seized the chance to pierce the sword through the warrior's heart. The warrior was too overwhelmed by his hatred for his opponent that he and his men were defeated. His opponent won the war. Hatred caused the warrior to lose both the respect of his countrymen and lose this war which meant so much to his country, to his people.

rydnat.. fro tuac cilr asudeuh rybbah uh Ayndr? fro tuac cilr funt aqecd eh dra teldeuhyno? e yknaa fet fryd rywam cyoc.. huf, ajanodrehk ec tevvanahdmo. ajanouha ec luhcdyhdmo lryhkehk. fa lyhhud bmayca ajanouha.

i'm glad to hear that.. but after all.. i know you're still hiding under the mask, being unsure of yourself, only revealing half of yourself.. tell me now, what do u think i am supposed to do under such a circumstance? you made me happy, but yet at the same time, left a hole on my heart which you once stabbed before; the wound is never going to heal. one moment i hear this, another moment i saw something totally different from what you told me before.. it is as if a bicycle is swerving on a perfectly staright path without any obstacles and finally, banging on a lamp post instead.

2004-07-29T17:11:00.000+08:00

grrr... i pressed 'enter' and everything was erased. nvm.*phews* finally everything ish over in a day. feel like it's a burden off my shoulder! today we had literature as our common test.damn, the qn sounded like rubbish to me, so i ansered rubbish back to em. hehes. wad can u expect? my lit ish sho sucky. well, i guess i'm gonna fail. >.< then i had my music exam in which i had to go out of skool at 9.30 just to take my exam in jurong east. i screwed up everything. and in which, i guess when i receive back my results in 3 mths tym, i'll see a failed result. my scale was in a mess. i played everything wrongly due to my nervousness. my tempo was too fast for my exam pieces. i couldnt concentrate. and i played the wrong octave. when it was supposed to be one octave higher, i played one octave lower. and when i sang for my aural, my voice trembled so much. arghh.. i dowanna fail!! or nort these thousand months of hard work ish going down the drain.. arghh!! then back in skool, i recieved back my maths test paper. thou i passed. but the marks were just so sucky. i shouldnt have spent so much time drawing that pathetic graph. oh well, try harder next time.. i guess all these failures are just the result of my playfulness.. sighs. then after that, in the afternoon, we had our IPW presentation. sho scary. i was so distracted and nervous that i forgotten all that i remembered. alina was kind enough to promt me. or not i would've died. mr surin stopped us before we could conclude. then we had to do our personal reflections. i was frantically serching my brain files for my personal reflection, but nth came out. my brain died out on me. then i onli said like 2 sentences when mr surin agreed wid me and told me that USA's child abuse is veri bad. then, subsequently, he cut me off my speech and anjelina took over. my personal reflection was the suckiest amongst all of em. i guess my marks will be lesser than em. ahh!! but anyways, mr surin said our grp was one of the best he had seen for the day. so can say a bit an1 wei4 larhs. hehes. =) wells, after that, as i still had m/c from netball, i went out instead. went to eat lunch wid joycelyn and marcela. then we went home. on my way home, i had an urge to borrow books. so i went back to westmall. but when i wanted to borrow those books, i found out i was in debt to the libary. but i din rmb returning my lib books late. must have been my sister. arghh.. haix.. sho had to put those books back to shelf. nbm, shall go there tmr. =)

hmmmss.. guess i'm feeling much better. dunno why alsho. but i'm still tired of the life that i am living it. this totally sucks. i bet any of u wud understand what i'm gg thru.. but i guess there are some ppl out there suffering a much more worst state than me.. so should i be happy? i don't know. but one thing i can say is that, please do not malign others without knowing the truth. find out the truth first before saying anything. cos what you think, might not be true..

2004-07-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

am i supposed to believe it? am i supposed to pretend that i was being ignorant of such things? what should i do? i'm just so at a loss now.. dun think anyone knows what is going on in my mind. am i supposed to be happy? or am i supposed to be sad? what am i supposed to do? someone pls tell me.. i have lost my directions in life and don't know how to retrace my steps back.. why did things turn out this way?.. i wonder.. my life totally sucks.. what is this world coming to? forget it, i know i suck, it isnt the world that sucks. today ms loh was angry wid us, esp our attitude. wadeva lors. first tym i seriously saw the bad temper she had. she was practically shouting at us lors. quite a number of ppl became frustrated wid her. me for instance. i dunno why after hearin her screaming and shouting, i suddenly felt veh bad tempered. then following tt, i had fever (great, i'm sure everyone's rejoicing over me gettin sick. everyone can't wait to see me die). ms loh must have rosen my blood pressure, prior to tt, it must have been those stress and worries for past few days tt added on to it. feeling both hot and cold at the same time. this is the downhill of my life.. darn.. ms ong saw tt i wasnt right then she was sho concerned until she exempted me from listening her lesson. then ms tay came in after tt for her lesson and asked if i'm okay. ms ong sho big mouth go tell everyone =X then, worst still, mrs tan came in during tay's lesson and told me to go home. i din wan to. then she kept insisting someone to accompany me home, i told her no nid, then she say she help me pay for my cab. still say if i dowan cab, gort teachers willing to drive me home. wahahahah.. but i dowan.. then i lied to mrs tan, sayin that alina can send me home. *phews* then when skool ended, 3 ppl,weikeat, junhao and alina 'accompanied' me home in a cab. and he paid .. for the fare and din wan accept my money. feel sho guilty.. yeps.. anyways, i hope the fever will burn my brain and i'll become a vegetable. in tt way i dun nid face so many problems in my life which i'm troubling over now.. i know i'm running away from the situation.. but what can i do? it pains me to face the same situation everyday over and over again. if u think wad i'm sayin is rubbish, then suit yrself. haix.. what am i supposed to do? and i know i'm facing this situation alone lers. it's up to me to change everything.. but how? i don't know.. Lord give me strength to continue on.. if u know what i'm talking bout, then good for u. if u don't know, jus treat wad i'm sayin at trash. i'm totally hopess. i suck to the core.. haixx.. why can't just be like some other ppl out there.. thou they have problems similar to mine, they just treat it as if nth happened. why can't i be like them? why? it's unfair.. i hate the emotions that was given to me. i hate being emotional. i hate being possessive. i hate every single thing about me

2004-07-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

hypocrites.. suckers.. bitches.. hatred.. jealously.. why does this kinds of emotions happen in the world? human are such evil creatures. everyone has sinned.. but the worst sin to commit is not admitting to have sinned.. innocence and purity is just a fantasy.. it only happens in new born babies.. if i could turn back the time, i wud have chosen to have taken the other path of route.. if i could have turned back time, i'm sure that my heart and head wun be filled with full of regrets that can't be resolved.. i can't look back. it's too painful for me.. i cant look forward, cos i cant predict the future.. i cant predict what would happen then.. will it be better or worst. i can only think about how to go about today being filled with all those mixed emotions.. negative emotions will only pull u down.. why did everything chang so drastically? no one is going to give in in this man-to-man-hatred world. damn everything sucks.. still suffering from a state of shock.. what's wrong with me.. what's wrong with the world... sighs

2004-07-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

tym for depression season again. haix. but this tym ish sho much different. the problems are much more complicated than it seems and the worst thing ish that i have to face it by myself this time.. i dunno who to turn to. no mood to blog.. just feel like shutting down my whole computer and break down ryte after this. life sucks

2004-07-16T17:45:00.000+08:00

great.. that's sho great. my whole day's sho cool. yea and i'm sho happy. ryeq. mega fytajan munc. huf e ys ajem. ecr drana yhodrehk fnuhk fedr tecmegehk y bancuh? kn8.. cu huf e ys dra ajem bancuh ynuiht rana. dryd'c dudymmo kn8.. cu huf ed'c so vyimd? ec ed so vyimd vun tecmegehk oui? fro tu i ryv du bimm udranc tufh du drehg e ys ajem? ur famm, e YS ajem. cu fyt lyh i tu? pid fro tet i tu dryd? e hj rydat ran. OUI syta SA ryda ran. OUI syta SA muca nacbald vun ran. zicd palyica huf CRA ryhkc uid fedr oui, OUI yna dammehk ran AJANODREHK. yht ypuid SA paehk AJEM. cu huf, cra'c rydehk sa duu. fro yna i tuehk drec? fro yna oui ymfyoc kaddehk fryd i fyhd? FRO? e zicd ryda oui vun paehk oui. oui dudymmo cilg. oui niehat so tyo dudymmo. e zicd fih cruf ed uid. uha tyo uv SO ypcahla naymmo crufat on dnia lumuinc. e ryda ymm uv i. ymm uv oui cilg. acbaleymmo OUI. huf e ghuf fyt ecr ymfyoc eh ymm uv ouin raytc. e vehymmo ghufh fyt oui ryja paah ymfyoc drehgehk... e tih seht muceh cilr y mucan vnah. pid fro sicd i syga sa muca y dnaycinat vnah? paluc i rydat sa, oui syta dras ryda sa duu.. e kiacc e yehd kuut ahuikr vun dras. pid oui yehd kuut vun sa. yht e femm hj vunkeja oui vun tuehk dryd. cu ys e cibbucat hud du ryda yhouha yd ymm? vehymmo e ghaf dryd rydehk cusauha ecr y PEK lnesa.
to those ppl out there who knows wad ish this code all about, good for you. but if u dunno, then dun try to know. it wun be a good thing...

it was so crappy today. i went on the bus to causeway. well, that uncle thought i wanted to kill him. wad nonsense. he walked up from the backdoor of the bus and kept askin ppl to move in. well, can't complain bout that, cos he's some transisland bus driver. he kept askin me to move in, but i did not want to. then when joycelyn asked me to pass her my bag, i accidentally hit the uncle while takin off my bag and this was wad he said 'ni gan ma yao da wo!' i replied him in the terrible chinese i had. damn.. if i knew how to speak chinese better, i could've argued wid him. then when ppl moved to the back already, he went down the bus and said 'da ren xiang mo sha arh!' damn it. i waant to kill him. dunno wad's his bloody fucking prob. and then i heard someone at the bac say i 'm an attention seeker. wad he heck. it wasnt intentional.. like.. pls lors. who wanna even touch you. anyways we went to causeway, walk walk then joyce went watch movie wid her sister while i made my way home.

2004-07-14T20:54:00.000+08:00

finally back to blog.. hahas. past few days din wanna go online. boring same old stuff to do online. hahas. finally our IPW has ended and now we're off to doin ghte presentation. today, instead of doing presentation, we were in anjelina's house watchin tv. hahas. how slack can i get. lalals~ hais.. some things are just not meant for me to believe. as in.. how do u expect me to believe such stuff.. haix.. anyways.. i've always been wondering if i have been a fren to anyone. and i practically mean ANYONE. as in.. i feel that as me being a fren to anyone, u can totally suck at this. i aint there when they needed someone to talk. i'm jus a wooden block standing there, doing nothing. how useless can i get. i know nothing bout them. wad a useless fren they have. haix.. just i aint cut out to be frenz wid anyone.. sighss..
shawn's finally back~ phew! feel sho happi for him. today quek told me muh shoes cant be accepted. i kip telling him that my shoes are wet. and my other shoe was taken by my maid to wash too. sho both my shoes cant be worn. he kept telling me it's no excuse. damn him. these few days keep raining and my shoes aint dry, so it's my fault? damn it... hahas. in one week's tym will be shaun's bdae. i kept suggestin to buy him a necklace, skirt, feminine shirt and high heels and make-up and wadeva are gurl stuff. hahas. make him a gay~ lalalas..

2004-06-30T21:33:00.000+08:00

fryd'c dra pmuuto vilgehk ica uv kejeh so sis mysa aqlicac cu e luimt chayg uid cu yc du caa res? cusa eteud yccruma, zicd damm sa fryd'c dra ica? ajanodrehk lryhkat cu silr e tih ajah naymeca dryd e ryja palysa y silr suna paddan yldnacc. huf e'ja maynhd ruf du reta so vaamehkc. hu uha ghufc dra naym sa. hu uha lyh. hu uha ec drana vun sa. rywam lynat. pid e teh fyhhy pudran ran. ra fychd drana frah e caneuicmo haatat cusauha du rumt sa dekrdmo yht lynnacc sa. e haatat cusauha du lno uh. fro ys e dnoeh cu rynt? e zicd vaam cu aqryicdat yht denat uv ymm draca drehkc. lyh e zicd bid yh aht du ed? e'ja hajan vamd cu rind eh so meva pavuna... e ryda socamv. e vamd mega y fymgeh cgamaduh. e fymgat dudymmo yesmaccmo. dra nuidac dryd e uhla druikrd fana cu muhk yht denehk, huf sayhd hudrehk du sa. drao vamd cu crund. e fyhdat du fymg vun adanhedo fedruid ryjehk du vyla so bnupmasc. e fyhdat du ghuf hu suna.. hu uha ghufc sa.. hu uha lyh..
i hate myself for being me. the whole world sucks. to me, it does.. no one was there. no one wanted to be.. no one cared. no one understood...

2004-06-29T10:19:00.000+08:00

was kinda okay.. but felt abit weak and had quite a bad headache and muh stomach was kinda rumbling too. but i just din wanna go skool. actually i cud've attended skool. but i'd rather stay at home. cos today gort netball.. if no netball maybe i'd go to skool instead. and i'm just too lazy to go skool. gosh.. i becomin sho notti ler. but wadeva it is.. a number of ppl smsed me. hehes. at least gort ppl talk to. quite touched too. hehes. din know gort ppl wud even bother to ask if i'm ok or nort. jasmine still on plane. i miss her~ then anjelina smsed me. i reply le. then her reply msg was to ask me to go and die. hahas. then i realised it was alina who told me to go and die. hehes. i wanna die but wad can i do? i'm still living. muh mum brought me to the doctor's. he told me i was alright and talk to me bout healthcare and stuff until i wanted to laugh. but must ren. he say until sho funi. then he gave me pills to eat. yucks. and some powder which u hafta stir to drink. yeeks. and it tasted disgusting. urgg.. i was HoPiNg he'd say i gort some terrible illness like.. cancer.. or some kidney problems or wadsoever illness that nids to go for operation and stuff. but no.. urgg.. damn.. haix.. then went home. muh maid said she saw a big rat tryin to eat our fish.. i was so.. ?? hehes. if i saw the rat i'd scream at the top of muh voice and cry. hehes. hais.. sho sianx now.. hehes. later maybe gg to find jasmine. she just came home!!!~ yay! ^.^ at least nort sho sianx. hahas. she sho evil. sAY i purposely skip skool der. =X hehes. i gort sho many wishes unfufilled. i wanna learn a second language, i wanna learn sign language. i wanna witness a shooting star.. i wanna walk along the beach.. and sho many other things. haix..
`][=*^pHySiCaLlY aNd MeNtAlLy TiReD oF mY lIfE+/*][`

2004-06-28T19:28:00.000+08:00

wooshh.. a new term of skool. how 'wonderful' can it be. went to skool wid pUiYeN today wid her havin to call me up in the morning. darn i hate it when i sound so kuku utterin nonsense when she calls esp when i still in muh beauty dreams. we both reached the interchange late. i missed thousands of bus cos there were far too many passengers on board. darnn.. imagine the first day of skool and sho many ppl are takin the bus? nbm, it'd be better when the day goes on. no one really bothers to get up as early. i tot we were gonna be late, but look man, sho many commonwealthians were at the bus interchange. it's like.. 95% of the ppl waitin for 187 were commonwealthians. phew luckily we aint late. but when we reached skool, we were already supposed to go to assembly. grrr... oh wadeva. damnn.. it was terrible lors.. the principal talked for sho long aimlessly and pointlessly. sho bored. yawns. bored until i go notice the gals' hair. those who were sitting in front of me. hahax. nth else better to do. finally assembly over. the classroom looks kinda weird thou.. the feelin's so new. *we had new timetable* yawns. it's just another tymtable. mrs tham talked bout argumentative writing. cudn't concentrate cos muh stomach gort sth wrong. damn pain lors. isist cos of muh breakfast? after like 30 mins later, the pain wasnt as piercing. felt sho worn out and veh weak after that. maybe i kept struggling when the pain was so excruciating. hehes. ppor weixiang had to bear wid me cos i kept pulling and scratching his chair and pullin his shirt. i had to bite myself as it was realli pain. now the marks still there. *should've bitten keeseng. hahas* then recess i ate again and i muh stomach pain again. but it din last for veri long. felt ok after that. gosh we haf a new chi teacher who ish onli 25 yet looks like some old haggard. urgg.. sho ugly. i prefer lu lao shi and huang lao shi.. damnn.. and i'm gonna see her face for 5 mths. and her work sho lame. i hate it. we din haf to do much wid the previous teachers.. then was science lesson. woosh~ sex education. hahax. sho curious bout it. hehes. i think i siao lers. some things were sho disgusting until i din wanna see nor hear about it. hahax. then assembly tym. darn mdm asnidah. she pregnant alsho dunnit tell the whole skool ryte. still discriminate sho mani ppl. darn her larhs. still say sho mani things. say until like she veh good lydat. hate it. then after assembly, went out wid pUiYeN~ we went orchard. dawn, melanie and lynette alsho went town. took the same bus. kinda gan ga thou. but we went diff directions instead. we intended to buy carissa a present but we spent out money on fOoD and NeOpRiNtS instead. hahas. sho we decided to do a birthday card for her instead. darn when i ate out so called lunch, muh stomach was kinda pain again. but it wasnt that bad. so i cud bear wid it. after that we walk walk then went home. ate muh dinner and had stomach upset again. why whenever i eat sth then muh stomach will be pain? i think the body system ish too weak le. hahas. i think i shouldnt eat. that'll be better. hahas. and just faint muhself.
`][=*^dUn ExPeCt OtHeRs To UnDeRsTaNd Yr AgOnY. cOs ThEy AiN't YoU. tHeY wUn FeEl iT aS mUcH aS u Do+/*][`

2004-06-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

the fourth tym i'm writin an entry today. finally saw hazel online yiPpieS~ the painters came muh house today. darn they smoke. i hate smokers. they smoke nbm. they still come my house to smoke. worst stilll one smoked in muh room. arghh.. sho pissed off wid the guy. i went out to do survey wid alina in tiong bahru. darn those ppl were sho different from those in jurong. they are either TOO dao or quite friendly. in jurong. those ppl are more neutral. the ppl in tiong bahru kept rejectin and rejecting. then in the end we met a salesman. urgg. the same salesman i kip seeing. urgg.. i sumhow pitied him and bought that product which made me broke. thou i think he's sellin some faked goods. but he seemed quite poor thingy. sho just buy lors. haix. we then went home at 7 plus. alina kept sayin she's gonna miss her show. hahax. her tv seems more impt to her. hmms.. that's all bout it. =))

2004-06-25T12:47:00.000+08:00

wadever i do, it's my fault. wadever i say, i'm always in the wrong. can't she herself think back of those things she said and done that cud've hurt sho many ppl? din she reflect on herself when she said sth wrong? well, she din know that she herself make mistakes. she din know that sometimes her words can accidentally hurt others. she din know that she herself can say the wrong things at times. she din realise that. no one told her. then what rights does she have to come and lecture me bout things? not as if she din make mistakes in life before? not as if she din say things that meant to be heard? not as if she is ms perfect? i dunno wad's wrong wid her. it is as if she's biased against me. and this tym, my younger sister doesnt get the scolding. but yet, it's me! i onli made a passin remark yet my younger sister thought that i was tryin to be funny and stuff. and my second sis took it so seriously and she had to scold me. ME ME and ME. why me? it always had to be me. i wasnt the one who got so crazy over wad i said. i onli said sth. it was only meant for my younger sister to hear. why did she have to be that loud hailer tellin everyone? it wasn't meant for others to hear. it was just a passin remark made. and damn my younger sister for going so crazy over wad i said. so now it's my fault la! everything's my fault. my dad scolds me. my second sister's biased against me. my younger sister nv gets blamed. my mum complains about me. my maid scolds me when i washes my hand and the water hell fucking just made the table wet. why mE? everything had yet to be ME! fine! i quit. i hated this family from the start. no one even cares about me. they never talked to me. they never tried. all they know is onli to give some stupid negative comments which they think it wud make me feel better. you guess wad? they did not! why do they have so many comments about me? even when i said the word asshole in the fit of anger, i get the scolding. then what bout my dad? i always hear him say much more vulgarities when he's on the phone. they dun realise their mistake. and yet when i say or do sth, it's MY fault. how many tyms have my sister said things that also sounded so evil? wasn't she like that too? i just hate this feeling being in this sucky thing wadsoevert that i call family. i dun even think they mean family to me. my second sis who earned my respest in this family, now mean hatred to me. the others dun mean anything to me. even the hell dog went to scratch my wrist sho hardly until it bled. what's wrong with this family? sucks man i hate it. i dun wanna stay here. they just ignore me. so wad's the point?

2004-06-25T10:53:00.000+08:00

You Have A Super Sidekick!
Forget Batman and Robin, you and your BFF are by far the best duo of all. She's there for you when you need her but isn't hanging off you every second of the day. Grab a slice of pizza together and celebrate your fab friendship.

2004-06-25T08:49:00.000+08:00

ytd seems such a hard tym for me. i realli needed someone to talk to. it seems like everything is MY fault at that moment. what i ever did was also MY fault. damn father made it even worst by scoldin me even more and adding even more faults to me. i dun see any fault in shouting and scremin when i'm cryin just to relieve the pain within me. i dun see any fault in me retaliating when my sister hits me. i dun see any wrong in not lookin in my dad's face when he scolds me. i jus din wan to see him. and now, everything turns out to be MY fault and that idiot younger sister of mine just gets the least blamed and she cries just for the slightest thing my dad scolds her for. she ish such a weakling. everything alsho wanna cry. everything alsho wanna complain. like she have sho mani mouths on her lydat. felt sho frustrated and hurt at that tym. i sent out msges not expecting a reply, but reuben replied. it can be said as a relieve bahX. at least i knew someone was out there. he cheered me up a whole lot and crapped along for bout one hour plus and i fell asleep halfway. hafta realli thank him. if nort for him, i dun even know how can i sleep for that nyte. sighs. at least i'm feelin much better ryte now. later still nid to go out to do IPW survey. muh class' going to ice skating today, i think. dun bother going. cos dun even know who's going. hehes. if gort tym maybe go see see later.
`][=*^CrYbAbY cRiEd To SlEeP+/*][`

Artist: Usher
Album: Burn
Title: Burn

I don't understand why
See, it's burnin' me to hold onto this
I know this is somethin' I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm tryin' to say is that I love you
I just, I feel like this is comin' to an end
And it's better for me to let it go now
Than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time comin'
But we done been fell apart

Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do, but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways

Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurtin', baby, I ain't happy, baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

When the feelin' ain't the same and your body don't
want to
But you know gotta let it go
'Cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might hurt you
Let it burn (Yeah)
Let it burn (Ooh)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself, but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn (Let it burn, whoa)
Let it burn (Let it burn)
Gotta let it burn

Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
'Cause the feelin ain't the same
Find myself callin' her your name

Ladies tell me do you understand
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain
It's the way I feel, I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late, I know she ain't comin' back

What I gotta do now to get my Shorty back, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh
Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do without my Boo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours, I'mma be
burnin' till you return, oh...oh...

When the feelin' ain't the same and your body don't
want to
But you know gotta let it go
'Cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to ('Cause
my party ain't jumpin' like it used to)
Even though this might hurt you (Let it burn, let it
burn)
Let it burn (You gon' learn)
Let it burn (Gotta let it burn, whoa)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself, but you
(Know what's best for yourself, but you)
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
(Someone else but you)
But you know that it's over (Know it's over), we know
that it's through (Know it's through)
Let it burn (Let it burn)
Let it burn (Ooh, girl, now)
Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted 'cause one side of me is tellin' me that I
need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry, ooh
I'm twisted 'cause one side of me is tellin' me that I
need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry, yeah

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, can ya feel me burnin'
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
So many days, so many hours, I'm still burnin' till
you return

When the feelin' ain't the same and your body don't
want to
But you know gotta let it go
'Cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might hurt you
Let it burn (Let it burn, let it burn)
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn (Ooh)

Deep down you know it's best for yourself, but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over, we know that it's through
Let it burn (Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn,
burn)
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

2004-06-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

today went for netball a bit earlier to do the card for carissa. oh damn but i din see her coming to collect it. but nvm. then we finished doing ler, saw coach car come in, then we suddenly take off skirt fill up tumblers, ready to go. then coach came. i din know she was angry, i was still talkin to pUiyEn. then suddenly i heard her shout 'is this wad u call discipline?' darn was i shocked. after that she stared at us, then walked off. we went to do our 2.4 run. run until wan die wan die ler. this tym we run until veh ping ming. after that pEiyan came down and told us she din wanna see us. darn the hell. still wan us do reflection. then say we do 2.4 ish onli for the sake of doing it. gosh. and when seniors told her that we were doing some card coach replied "so u think is muh fault larh!~" damn it man. i kept sayin she had menopause. but i guess she's too young for that. maybe pMs? keKeX. bad mood. i'm sho evil. alina said she brings family problems to training. sighs. she made us sit there for our supposedly 'reflection' for sho long. then senior went up tell her wad happened. darn. when they came down for that second tym, we had to run another 2.4. siao cha bo. that second run alot of ppl ran better. but i just couldn't run. haix. i nort as powerful as them. then i after run cudn't take it. i felt like fainting and dun wake up sho wun nid see coach face. felt like vomiting, but din. it's alwys like dat. we went up. sec ones were having break. coach wanted us to rmb those court work from 1-10. sho much muh memory will burst. cudn't rmb them. sho hard to squeeze into muh memory. then when it was muh turn to do those drills, i kept hesitating. i think coach was quite pissed cos i kept forgettin wad to do. alsho veh pissed wid muhself cos i was unable to rmb muh steps. damn. haix. FINALLY training ended. darn coach. she abit siao today. forget it. went out to eat wid wanqi and alina. go there ler, that stupid uncle ask me "ni ke yi chi ma? ni chi de wan ma? wo kan ni shi chi bu wan de. ni yi ding chi bu wan de" darn him larh.. i add that'(chicken rice) sauce' ish muh problem marh. when must he care sho much. if i cannot finish i still put there for wad. asshole larh. after we eat ler we went home. sighs. actually intended to do the survey today, but joyce and anjel doing tmr. sho we alsho do tmr lors. i decided to sleep instead. sho tired. now muh house ish full of dust. everyone's sneezin esp muh second sister. muh room's sho empty now. can hear echos if i shout. hehes. muh sister havent finished her packing of the room. i wonder how long will this dust fly in the air. as long as muh sister's still packing, it will continue to be dusty. hehes. *hUsH*
`][=*^PeRfEcTiOniSm+/*][`

2004-06-23T22:18:00.000+08:00

haix.. dunno why everyone seems sho sad.. esp that ans she gave me. i've never seen her in such a mood b4.. she's always sho happy. and her reply was just sho abrupt. it somehow came as a shock. it seems sho cold. haix.. just hope she's gonna feel better bahX. wun wanna see a sad her. anyways, went to do survey today. we went joycelyn's house to get those survey stuff, then we went to photocopy them. and went to buy water, pen and eye scream!! [yuMmiEs] then we set off to work. joycelyn went wid anjelina. i went wid alina. i and alina went to jurong to do survey. at first we were just eatin. saw wad's nice then buy to eat. we din think much bout doin survey, we onli bochup bochup see ppl then ask them help us do. then we went to alina's house. go take sum necessary stuff. in the end when it came to 4 lydat. we decided to go to the MRT station. my, there were more ppl there. but alot of them rufused to do for us. felt sho stressed up. sho tired yet they dun wan. sum even ignore us. sho drained out of energy. i forgot to close muh pen cap and i accidentally drew on muh white surfshorts. damn was i sho pissed off plus those ppl who din wanna do our survey. Fcuk off. darn.. but finally, alina and i finished off 50 surveys. wud be doin it tmr. shall be neglectin muh hmwrk bahX. havent even done one bloody newspaper cuttin. oops.. shut muh mouth. =X
`][=*^dAnCeR+/*][`

2004-06-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

today we had netball training. i was kinda slack cos i din realli nid to do the drills. hahax. puiyen hurt herself. poor things. hmm.. she shd be okay bahX. after training, mrs tham brought the sec twos to eat seoul garden. hehes. sec twos hab the privillege! woosh. kiddin.. nahh. cos we went into the top four in the zonals. alicia cindy and pearlyn took mrs tham's car. the rest took bus. when we reached there, they all already inside seoul garden. oh wadeva. we placed down our bags and started takin the food. hmm.. we talked and lauged alot. there were three tables. can say muh table wid pUiYeN wanQi aLina and mEishi was the funniest and noisiest cos we chant and laughed alot. hahax. the quietest ish mrs tham and coach's table. hmm.. they were eatin sho quietly. unless we made a comment then they will comment back. i din eat those meat there. cos i dun like meat. hehes. i onli ate fish. lalala. terrible me. then i ate the ingredients in the soup. hahax. our table seems to be the onli one drinkin the soup. others din wanna drink it. hehes. then our soup finish ler, mEisHi kip 'stealing' the other table's soup. then we finally felt full. after that, most of the ppl from muh table went for camp, sho we decided to say some of those cheers then gort ppl go and twist the cheers[esp that 'where's the pinup song' and that hungry cheer] here and there, until the cheers became sho twisted. we seemed sho obsessed wid those cheers until mrs tham and coach gave t=us that 'qn mark' look. hahax. i felt bored sho i decided to shoot ice at alina, she shoot back. shoot for a while ler, she pek cek sho decided to throw ice at me instead. hahax. farnie. then puiyen kip sayin haf to defend. found it quite corny. hehes. then we all laughed sho much. when i looked at the other table, i saw alicia, woah.. she still eatin sia. dunno how her stomach can contain sho much things. we all felt sho bloated ler.. then she still can eat.. woahh... nort bad ehs. not long after, mrs tham and coach left. we talked and laughed for a while and left too. before we left, those yuhua guys said bye to us. i found them sho awkward. they dun even know us still say bye to us. hmmms.. after that we went our separate ways. alina meishi puiyen wanqi and i went to take trading cards. those machines sho outdated.. sho had to make do wid it lors. anyways it's nort everyday we can come out as a group and take neoprints marh. hehes. too mani ppl there veh difficult to squeeze. then some of our faces either gort covered or cut off. poor thigns. hmm.. after that puiyen had to go back to find that ice pack, and i went home. cos i needed to go home asap to find muh mum. who knows when i went home she nort at home yet, brrr... waste muh tym. hehes. anyways, had quite a fun tym today. wahhahahaha~ today rawks sia~
`][=*^fOr YeArS, i'Ve BeLiEvEd ThAt OnE cAn ChAnGe EvErYtHiNg BoUt OnEsElF, bUt nOrT yR cHaRaCtEr.. BuT nOw, I gUeSsEd YoU'vE pRovEd Me WrOnG...+/*][`

2004-06-21T21:04:00.000+08:00

hmms.. feelin much better liao bahX.. i guess. he was the first person to at least talk to me and i felt better. then tym by tym i felt much more better. thanx alot~ mUaCkx~ now's de last week of the holidays.. left shoo much work to do. sighs.. let me rot and die. dun feel like doin any hmwrk. too sian and tired to blog lers.. buhbies and takkaire everyone~
`][=*^yOoHoO+/*][`

2004-06-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

i'm feelin slighty better bahx.. i guess. sigh.. or maybe not... those events are still in my mind. as if it is so stagnant.. now feelin additionally stressed up. there's a whole load of ipw unfinished. a whole chunk of hmwrk. upcoming music exams. the packin of my room. and much more other stuff i have yet to complete.. haix.. sum1 just kill me.. haix.. i feel sho helpless.. i am sho hopeless in everything. haix. i feel like gg to the beach ryte now. sighs...
`][=*^eVeRyBoDy'S fOoL+/*][`

2004-06-19T11:13:00.000+08:00

i cudn't sleep ytd.. muh whole mind was blank. i tossed and turned and was thinkin bout wad she said. i dunno if she was tellin the truth or nort. i dun wanna think bout it.. but it just keeps reoccuring in muh mind. i tried to believe wad she said. but it just seems like a lie to me. why do i have that insecure feelin bout it.. haix. now, to me, muh hp doesnt mean anything to me. i feel that i can just leave without it. it just poses no meaning. sigh... everything ish sho cropped up in my mind now. i have sho many problems right now and i am tryin not to think bout them. but i can't shake it off my mind. i feel sho worhtless. i feel sho useless. no one knows wad's wrong. sho i guess that's a good thing; no one will understand wad's going on, no one wud care.. they wud just leave me alone. i am just surviving in a world of loneliness where no one knows about muh problems. i wonder how come some ppl can just ignore their problems and live life happily. maybe they aren't as emotional? i wished i was sumone who cudn't care less bout my own problems and live life the way it was. but i guessed i can't. and i hate myself for bein that way.. our eyes.. are the cruel things that hurts us. our ears.. pierces us in the same way as our eyes.. our mouths are the foulest things that cud ever hurt a person. our hands.. they commit evil.. and our hearts and mind, they onli hurt yourself; the closest person connected to them.. they make u think more about yr difficulties, your problems. they make u feel that yr happiness ish sho short lived. they make yr life difficult by adding sorrows to your memory drive;by dumping the feelin of yr happiness into the trash can. so wad for are mankind on Earth? sometimes.. i hoped that i din know about anything at all ; that i was kept in the darkness until the brewin storm was over... sometyms i wish that i've seen nothing.. that i've heard nothing at all.. \--ThE truTh.. reaLLi` hurts--/
`][=*^iF oNlI.. tHiS pHrAsE aLoNe BrInGs U aWaY fRoM rEaLiTy+/*][`

#the volcano erupts,
the sea stays calm,
the sky turns dark,
to reveal the sun.
the stars are hidden,
but shines in one's heart.
the snow falls down,
the leaves turns green,
the air turns cold
and the laughter fades...#

2004-06-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

hiax. back from the camp. sho tired. the first day there we had a briefin and stuff. i tot muh instructor was veh biased and attitude at first cos she kept starin and lookin at me sayin i din particiapte stuff. but after that found out she was much more better than muh first impression. we played candle war at nyte. sho lame. the sky wasn't starry at all. at frust i tot i saw i shooting star. but it was onli sum stupid thing that was flung acoss. there was onli 3 bryte stars. haix. sho sad. if onli that nyte was beri starry thwn it'll be sho nice. hmm. then that day had to sleep in tent. gort rashes on the first day of camp and it got worst when i was sleeping in the tent. darn it. it's even worst than havin mosquitoes bytes. and the tent was sho hot and stuffy. cudn't get to sleep. slept for one hour then woke up again. then slept all the way till 5 plus. at that tym. most of the gers woke up ler. the guys were fast asleep. had a headache. we played captain's ball. hahax. there was the chicken too. eeks. touched the raw chicken. felt sho weird. and i got sho dirty over. had dry rafting. felt that that game veh dumb. oops =X i onli liked the part when we slacked. the sea there was veh calm and nice. hehex. it was sho nice. i loved the sight of the sea. was hopin wud haf a chance to go the seaside. but forget it. no one wud be free enuff to be as bo liao as me to go to see the seaside. maybe shall go there one day. it was realli sho nice. ehh ppl may think i am mad. going mad over the sea. then we had endurance training. the cheif said that the training wud be the toughest we've experienced in out life. but i dun think sho. i felt that it was much much eaier. then the PE dept's training and netball's traing. during dinner tym, we were punished to be in the push up position for sho darn long. hand was sho pain and was shiverin while in the push up position. hazel sho powerful. she can dun move in the push up position for sho long!~ then we had our plannig stuff. muh grp was sho slack. and the vice plus principal came specially to talk to us. felt they were talkin and utterin rubbish. oh my.. felt sho bored then. slept in the chalet that nyte. the air con was veh cold during the middle of the nyte. had rashes again. urgg. dunno why all of a sudden the will have rashes. darn pain. sensitive skin bahX. then today, we broke camp. ffelt a bit bu she der to break the camp althou it's nort that funnn.. hehex. and muh instructor veh farnie. she lyks to act serious and scare ppl off. hahax. and muh grp members, alot of them sho funny. hahax. shan't elaborate. =X knew much more ppl after this camp. hehex. then the ppl sharin the chalet wid muh group[another grp], all of them sho friendly. hahax. esp trixia and jodie<-- dunno how to spell her name. yeps. anyways.. ate wid pUiyen and wAnqi and went home after that. was msgin sum ppl. was hopin muh hp wud vibrate and i wud see his msg.. but nv. sho forget it. she's gg off to australia. hope she'll have a safe trip there. will miss her esp when she's gonna miss skool. made sum1 sad. urgg. why does that person haf to know wad i meant bout it. it was onli sadden the person's feelings. but at least the person wun be botherin bout it le bahX... felt sho guilty by sayin wad was the truth, but quite relieved lors. hmm.. wadeva. feelin sho tired and sad now. hmm.. shan't elaborate why sad. later.. forget it... *bOoHoO*
`][=*^rUbBiSh-Tic+/*][`

2004-06-15T18:44:00.000+08:00

arghh.. tupid me. fancy losin sth that means sho much to me. *kNoCks HeAd On WaLL* feel sho angry wid myself. loads of tyms i tot i lost it, but i found it in the end. but now i am definately sure i've lost it. stupid me. haix.. why am i sho careless and blur? can't even kip it properly. haix... today went out wid Jasmine and Alina. hahas. we saw loads of ppl there. should be ard 7-10 commonwealthians ba. alsho gort see teacher. hahax. we watched harry potter. watched it again. but this tym i understood the movie the first tym i watch the movie can't concentrate properly on the movie. *WiNkX* then sum1 we know was in the cinema alsho. nbm. =X after the movie, we went to shop for jasmine's clothes. went to buy muh own things too. hahax. then we got a bit pek cek cos shop for sho long then jasmine cudn't make up her mind to buy waddies. =D hahax. became a bit sad at a period of tym cos of sth thou.. decided to cheer up. or nort they will ask me wad's wrong. and i dun wanna tell them. *hUfFs*`soBx` we went home after that *FiNaLLy* at ard 5 plus. urggg... feeling sho sick now. wonder how can i go to the camp wid this sick physical level tml.*cOuGhS*
`][=*^bLuR qUeEn+/*][`

hmm... since i gg to camp tml, wun be able to say happi burfday to xh, i shall say it now: `][=*^hApPy BuRfDaE mUh BiTtErHeArT! mAy YoU hAvE a WoNdErFuL bUrFdAe! MuAcKx!+/*][`

2004-06-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

went to town wid pUiYeN today. we went to buy a bag together. gosh the stock ran out sho fast. the first shop we went to onli left one new piece and the one on the shelf. sho we went to another shop. that shop the stock was out. sho we went back to the shop and got that bag. went back and felt sho malu havin to ask the salesperson again. thou it was sho ex, decided to buy it in the end. pUiYeN took the one on the shelf. felt sho bad about it. after that, she went home. i went to plaza sing to buy my sister's cloth material. then went to eat dinner alone. how lonely can i be. then shopped ard plaza sing. my sister kept msgin me hurryin me to go home asap cos she wants her cloth material. after plaza sing, i went to jp. went to look for sum earrings and wanted to find that sandals. but cudn't find it. guessed hafta go back to the shop in town where i've seen it to buy it. soBx. after that i went home. when i got home, the first thing my sister and maid said was to insult the bag. they asked me, ish this how much u get for usin up ** dollars just for the bag? c'mon larh.. i like it and bot it. they dun think it's worth it then it's their prob lors. pigs. >.< heex had fun gg out today!~
`][=*^yUe KaN yUe Xi HuAn+/*][`

i LuRvE tHiS sOnG aNd SoNg LyRiCs
EnJoY~

Artist: Destiny's Child
Album: Survivor *
Title: Emotion

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Dont cha know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

2004-06-12T19:59:00.000+08:00

today had our netball carnival. i din play well. at all. i was terrible. my shots cudn't go in. second by second, minute by minute, my confidence slowly drained out of me. b4 the last and final game, i checked my hp. my sister told me my phone bill was 200. i was shocked. my mind was in a whirl. my whole mind was filled up wid my father scoldin me. previously, my bills were 100 plus and my dad already scold me lyk shyt... now... it ish sho much... wun i even die more? it actually sumhow affected my mood to play. my last game was the worst of all games. but luckily hashima managed to make it a tie, and eventually my team was the first in that group. but we din receive a trophy. we had some towels as our prizes. gosh. but nvm. after that, the winning teams of each grp were to play wid the umpires and coaches. when i was on court, i sucked like hell. i couldnt shoot and gave up halfway. i cannot take it anymore le... gosh. my netball really sucked today. after evt ended i went to jp wid pUiYeN to eat sth. being afraid my mum will scold me for being home late, i went home after that. i crept up slowly to my room afraid of bein found out sho as to avoid my dad. and luckily no1 was at home. i hid myself in my room. my dad placed my bill on my bed, written there at the bottom of the page askin me to see him. i held it. stared at it. thought about it. slowly my eyes closed. tears welled up. i fell asleep. not long my mum came in. she asked me to blow my hair dry b4 i sleep. then not long later my dad came in. he talked sho calmly to me. i was relieved. he din wanna confiscate my hp. he has been givin me sho mani chances. i cried again. i felt sho guilty. i am being sho bu dong shi here, spending away sho much money. and yet he ish sho nice to me. i'd rather he scold. the nicer he was to me, the more i felt the hurt in my heart. blame me. can't he just scold me? vent everything on me! confiscate my hp! i feel sho guilty. i am a failure. darn. maybe no one realises how it feels cos they weren't in my shoes b4. sho frustrated wid myself. i suck. arghh.. these things need lots of practise and patience. to control my hp msg and shoot properly. sigh. dun even know why am i typin this lame entry.
`][=*^i HiD iN mY cOrNeR aNd CrIeD sIlEnTlY tHiNkInG tHaT fAiLuReS lYk Me OuGhT tO bE sHoT aNd NeVeR bE sEeN aLiVe...+/*][`

2004-06-09T00:11:00.000+08:00

heex! sho mani ppl's burfday in june. forgotten to wish em happy burfday. sho here goes...
`][=*^hApPi BeLaTeD bUrFdAe To dEaReSt MaRcElA!!! pLuS aNgElInE sHuQi AnD bEnNy+/*][`

showree can't get u a present yet. still broke.*shows pocketS* shall get u all one asap! *WiNkX*

2004-06-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

my one week mc finally ended and i had to go back for netball practice. darn. when i just arrived had to do 2.4 run. damn... i finished it wid a tymin of 17.05 min. wahhahahhaha. sho dui lian. then we had sprinting.. then courtwork. loads and loads of them. gosh.. i was sho chao sianx standin by the side passin the ball down and waitin for the team to finish their courtwork. then it was muh turn to go on court. at first i was quite okay. but my back will have a slight pain when i jump for the ball. urgg... then finally i couldnt take it. muh back was beri pain. i couldn't turn my body fully. or not i'll be in great pain. and i mean great. it was even worst than the back pain i had previously. urg.. then when i went down of court mrs tham scolded me again. damn. pls lors.. u think i wanna strain my fvckin back wan meh? i was sho damn pissed off. ppl sparin their leg, they nv get scolded for not takin care of themselves. i starin my back she says it's my fault. wtf man. b4 trainin she scolded me. durin trainin she scolded me. scold twice liao not enuff. after trainin alsho tell me i nv sprain my ankle b4 but why i sprain[strain] muh back. summore gif me this sarcastic look. wtf. sho damnn pissed. pls lors my back havent fully recover and yet i haf to go back trainin and injure my back again. she dunnno bout it yet she still cum and scold me. damn pissed. arghh.. stupid trainin. shouldn't haf gone for the training. haix. forget it. maybe shan't go for trainin this thur. gettin sian-er and sian-er of netball. urg.. tmr still hafta do IPW project. i still haben complete my hmwrk. sho many undone things. wonder when i'd be able to go out again. arghh.. onli interested in play but not work. hahax. useless me
`][=*^PiSsEd OfF/*][`

2004-06-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

yay finally i'm usin the com to blog. how many days haf i not touched the comm... hmmm.. anyone miss me? hahax. jus kiddin. shan't be bhb. sighh.. cudn't go out wid my second sis. arghh.. why whenever she asks me out, i can't make it der!!! sho frustrated wid myself. like.. sighh.. sho long nb go out wid her lers. wahhahahha. toopid music lesson. the tymin sho bu san bu si wan. sobx cos of that idiotic music lesson, i cant go out wif my sister!!! haahx. this whole week i din even touch my hmwrk. hah. terrible. i think i am grounded for gg out lers. parents veh angry. my maid still wan cum lecture me for gg out. haix. wad's wrong wid gg out? not as if i am gg to spend $50 everytym i go out ryte. besides it's sho borin wid nth to do at home. arghh.. sho friday i had to sleep cos i had nth else better to do at home. sighs. quitted my tuition. mum was unhappy wid the tuition teacher's pricing for fees, and she was unhappy wid the unfixed tymin and those bu san bu si the late tymin that will make me reach home after 10. haix. i alsho quite unhappy wid the tuition alsho lors. the day i quit, the cher sumhow brainwashed me. make me until wan quit dun wan quit those situation. luckily my mum told her that she wanted me to quit. dunno if i am gonna miss that teacher. hahax. nonsense. i'm bein insane. hahax. my hp bill this month ish gonna explode lers. haix.. sho i had to resort usin my top up card again. arghh.. then my susters know i usin another line then say wan complain to my mum. i think they're just nonsense. hahax. sighh.. i miss gg out... hmm.. but i shall be a bit guai to do at least a BIT of my hmwrk first. hahax. now even my lill sis tellin me to finish my hmwrk b4 i go out. out of all those sisters, i most bu4 dong3 shi4 wan. it even seems that my younger sister ish older than me. hahax =))
`][=*^My MiNd IsH tOtAlLy BlAnK.. i CaN't ThInK..+/*][`

2004-05-29T09:27:00.000+08:00

darn it. i guess everything u told me from head to toe was jus a lie. is lyin yr forte? i think even yr sister ish lyin. so tell me now, who should i believe? i have came to that extent where everything u say, i will trust u. and wad do i get in the end? i just get to be the asshole by believin the greatest liar on Earth. wad is your problem man! i just can't stand it. arghh.. and u seriously disappointed me in many other things lors. i wonder if i should still talk to u normally or should i ignore u. i jus feel sho weak. no one's there to be my pillar. no one's there to tell me right or wrong when u told me all those. why am i always believin you when tym and again, u try tellin me lies.. u tried disappointing me. haix. asshole.
forget bout that evil person. sighs.. i guess i am seriously sick.. cant' laugh.. can't cough.. can't sneeze.. even when i'm down wid cough and flu. my back hurts... my stomach muscle ish achin.. arghh!!! can it cure faster? darn sports day. running faster alsho no use de. why even sprain my back for it. sigh.. ytd they all went out to help for the carnival thingy. they left halfway.. i was veri pissed wid em.. cos they asked me to go yet they left.. but onli today, i finally figured out that it wasnt their fault that they left so sudden... haix. wad's his problem lors. so wad if he's in charge. must he control who's comin in to help? pls lors.. it's meant to be a class thingy and he thinks he's the onli one gg to stand at the stall there for the whole damn day? asshole!!! darn it.. sighs.. ytd, alina left for bintan. dunno how many days later then she'll be coming back. will miss her. sobX.. went to jasmine's house after gg to skool ytd[for fun.. luckily parents no nid see teacher]. i went there to play a bobble puzzle. hahax. that's the onli PS game i know how to play. then i watch her play her PS game.. watch until i fell asleep. hahax. then went home at ard 5 plus and went out again for tuition. went to eat wid jasmine and xh was there too. was late for tuition and tuition teacher was finding every single fault to scold us. she suddenly blew her top. scared me off. luckil she cooled down ard 45 mins later. then we 'took advantage' of her gud mood. we kept talkin. then i couldnt concentrate on the work. sho decided to crap in wid em. they heard marbles/dice rollin on the floor upstairs. then they started sayin ghost stories. i was so freaked out that i would not have been able to sleep that nyte if nort for my youngest sister sleepin wid me[finally]. then when i went home, my second sister said she had sth for me and asked me to close my eyes. then she handed me the 'thing'. which was a roxy wallet. she rawks!! but now i dunno which wallet to use liaox. gort that one i buy wid joyce, and the mani mani zips de.. and the one she gave me. hahax. best ish dunch use wallet. hmm.. guess that's all.. hope that assholic isiotic person disappears from my site asap. and the feelin of ponin netball today ish sho fun. wahhahahaha.. but i nv realli pon thou.. hmm.. blame it on my back. wahahahaha.
`][=*^LiFe CaN oNlI bE uNdErStOoD bAcKwArDs BuT mUsT bE lIvEd FoRwArDs+/*][`

2004-05-21T19:58:00.000+08:00

haix. the whole day sucks. and i realli mean the WHOLE day. haix. just can't even get any good results for any subjects. that is bad enough.. then now i have to tell my mum my results. dunno how to keep it from her. guess no one understands. all my exam subject results suck like hell. guess i'm a failure. haix... i mite as well not study for anything. wad's the f*in use of studyin anyway? no matter how much i study, nth gets into my head. no one can help me. neither me myself. i suck. haix.. maybe like wad he said, failure is just an obstacle, overcome it and you'll see success. haix.. shall work harder bahX.. just hope that my idiot parents wun think i will fail forever. they are always thinkin that i'll fail. haix. forget it. nbm. i guess i'm okay. now hafta deal wid how to tell my mother. argh. forget it. prepared for a terrible scolding. haix. thanx to everyone hu cheered me upX. =))
`][=*^wHeN i ThInK dAt LiFe SuX.. i LoOk ArD mE aNd ReAlIsE hOw MuCh MoRe WoNdErFuL tHiNgS tHeRe ArE iN tHe WoRlD aWaItInG fOr Me...+/*][`

2004-05-18T18:57:00.000+08:00

life ish sho boring. feel sho neglected. she dun seem to talk to me anymore. dunno. haix... just feel that we're driiftin apart. dunno wad's into me. argh.. guess this kinda feelings are meant to be kept within me... i cant tell anyone what exactly i am feelin bout everything.. and some idiot just lied to me again...i wonder why must i bring myself to trust that idiot over and over again? asshole. haix. shouldnt have even trusted him after that incident. i'm just so gullible. and now, another problem ish croppin up in my head.. haix. i can't say it out.. i can't type it out. everythin ish contained in my heart.. no one can understand this problem. haix... 3 problems i'm havin now... add a few more and i shall explode. haix.. shall go to the beach one day to shout all i want.. and i look at stars.. and hope for a shootin star to wish upon. i'm just so naive. haix. dunno when will i wake up to reality... hmm... maybe shall go some shoppin mall more often to.. ahem ahem.. find some things there.. maybe that THING wud be able to relieve my stress. hmm... haix... there i go.. being naive again.
`][=*^i AsK mYsElF.. dOeS hE lUrVe Me Or NoRt.. I aM jUx ShO lOsT.. i DuNnO wAd I sHd Do...+/*][`

2004-05-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

went out wid my parents today. everything ended up sho badly. dun wanna talk about it. tmr it's holiday. tue too. i am goin to make full use of the freakin tym. cos everything sucks. dunno wad's wrong wid me bahs. no one knows i'm unhappy.. and for what reason. just thinkin how much life sucks. why do i have to put a happy face in front of some other ppl when i can just ignore all of them? dunno wad's got into me today. i'll be better tmr... i hope. just bloggin for the sake of tellin something how i feel. it just doesnt work. bottlin or not bottlin up yr feelins, it ish still the same. what's de use. dunno why ppl say, dunch bottle up yr feelings. haix. wad's wrong wid me...

`][=*^tYm FlIeS aNd We NiD tO lEaRn HoW tO tReAsUrE tHeM.. rMb ThE hApPy TyMs, LeArN lEsSoNs FrOm ThE sAd TyMs...+/*][`

2004-05-15T12:03:00.000+08:00

wahhahaha! finally exams ended! all those workin hard, sleepless nights, stressful days has finally ended! sho shuang. *WiPeS sWeAt OfF fOrEhEaD* i seriously wanna die during the exam period. this was the hardest tym i seriously studied for an exam this year. [like.. duh] budden some ppl just seem sho relaxed. alsho dunno why. like dunnid study ders. genius are genius. just hope i wun fail. maybe i mite fail science and english maybe geog? or chinese? practically ish fail ALL. noo!!! cannot fail. if fail, i zhuang qiang. *PsYcOs MySeLf: It'S nOrT eAsY tO fAiL dErS* arghhh!!! if i fail i really wan go zi sha le. and my dad still add oil to the fuel. say i will fail. wah liews! i gort study wan okay. he think i everyday come home do nth. he just dunno lors. i fail for my CA doesnt mean i will fail for my SA ryte. idiot. and some idiot still say i will fail for my geog map reading. curse him. oops. i know my map readin good but dun nid to call me just to tell me that ryte. argh. i am gettin stressed. shall restrain from continuing. hope i will pass. God pls help me.. haix. good luck to everyone too!~ now after exam lahso stressed. stressed about my results. but shall enjoy myself first. enjoy as much as possible before the results reach my hands. now hafta concentrate on my music exam. hope i'll pass that too.cos my cher always say i'll fail.. grr.. everyone thinks i am a failure. my music teacher.. my mother.. my father.. my maid. haix. when then will they stop sayin i'll fail? arghhh!

ytd was reuben's birthdae. HaPpY bUrFdAe ReUbeN! din buy him a present cos i was too busy for exams. shall gif it to him on wednesday. hopefully i can find a present. i am damn lousy at buyin presents for guys.

ytd went to town wid shuqi and marcela. saw alot of things i wanted to buy. i think i am mad le. hmm... shoppin spree? should qiao zha my dad. make him broke becos i am broke. =X such an evil daughter. took neoprint wid em. then talk and walk and went home. spent half of the day in town. sho shuang. wahhahaha. this ish wad i call enjoy. hahax. and finally i collected my bag. the shop keeper has been keepin my bag for sho long. and the worst thing ish, she go extend the bag strap until sho long. argh.. dunno how am i to carry the bag. =X my maid still say i dumb, nv go ask the woman sew shorter on the spot. i was tellin her that the woman wun sew on the spot, in stead she will take months to alter it and return it bac to me. =((
`][=*^EvErYtHiN iSh OvEr AnD nOw It'S tYm To PlAy AnD eNjOy HaRd BeFoRe I rECeIvE mY rEsUlTs! BeTtEr TrEaSuRe My PaRtY tYm!+/*][`

2004-05-02T10:24:00.000+08:00

today's sunda. sho fast. a new week's startin tmr. can't believe it. guessed i'm alryte now bahX. after havin a senseless laugh wid all those people i met over the weekends. i just hope so. but i cant help hatin that idiotic guy, althou it myte nort be his fault. if i found out it was he who did it, he'll be in deep soup. grr.. nbm. anyways he dunch even know me, sho how can he be in deep soup? crapper. i'm gg to study later on. i'm sho stressed up. hopin i wud die while studyin. hope i wun fall asleep in xiao hui's house later on. hahax. i practically sleep in ppl's house when i go there wid the intention of studying. hahax. then ytd my tuition frenz kept laughin at me cos of that. but nbm. it sounded ridiculous thou... sleepin at ppl's house. boohoo. this whole weekend ish full of test papers. cant study much. =(( just hope i wun fail any of my mid year exams. beri nervous. grr. someone just let me die.. haix. ytd joycelyn told me that someone was murdered in westmall. sheesh.. dunch think i will appear in westmall again. hahax. later i see things i shdn't and i'll faint on the spot. *rAiSeS eYeBrOw* or issit DIE on the spot? hahax. wadeva. leaving house soon to go study. ciaoX
`][=*^TyM pAsSeS aNd ThE fEeLiN FaDeS aWaY.../*][`

2004-04-30T15:52:00.000+08:00

[deeply pierced... even my dad and maid noticed the change in me. if only someone can just pull me out from this whole world. i dunno why am i like that.. i am feelin sho depressed over things that if in the past, i wun even care bout it... but why am i cryin over everything? i just feel sho helpless...] today i was kinda mad during lesson. i laughed at the slightest things that wasnt funny at all. and i knocked my head and ended up wid a baluku. this is wad i get for being insane. guessed i was reaaly too stressed up. we had our music presentation. felt beri bad. i din do anything for it. but it was over anyway. we watched ju-on2 during music after that. was okay larhs. maybe because i watched it b4. then we had ting xie after music lesson. huang lao shi waited for us for half an hour b4 we went bac class room. sho showree. after skool, i went home, with cheng siang. but when we took the same bus bac to our house, i din wan to alight. i wanted to take a few rounds more before i went home. depression? i was broodin over lotsa things... i try to forget em but i can't... i wonder why did he lie to me? i knew he lied cos of a reason. but i dunno what... i wan to try to ask him but now the situation ish gettin worst. sho i think i shd nort bother. another thing ish about that idiotic guy that i barely know. the day i saw him left the note at an online diary, i knew that sth bad will soon happen. esp after he knows about the truth. the recent happenings made me think that he was the one behind everything. maybe my analysis shd myte be wrong, but i really haf a strong feelin it's him all this while. but i'm just startin to hate him. weird. i hate a person when i dunch even know him. but he realli makes me ponder wad's his motive behind everything[if he was really the one behind it] and the more i think of it, the more i hate him. and many other things. i walked ard aimlessly in jp. still feeling troubled... wishin someone was there for me to cry on. but i'd rather be alone. if anyone was even there wid me, i wud find the person irritating. sho myte as well leave me alone. when my world's spinning ard, i'll be heartless... it seriously meant heart-less. i juz feel sverything ard me ish jus a piece of blockwood. i dunno them... they dunno me... haix. feel like lettin everything out. but i can't. unless i'm really pushed to an extend of doing ~~that~~ again. i am totally useless. i chatted wid the so-called liar and wad i thought was actually true--he lied to me for a reason, i decided nort to hold grudges against him. forgif abd forget. guessed that's one thing off my load. now i just dunch feel like laughing. i dunch feel like talking...
`][=*^dEePeR aNd DeEpEr...+/*][`

2004-04-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

today there was councillor voting. i onli voted for 7 ppl. i din vote for her. i din feel like it. instead i drew on her face. i know i was mean. but like who cares. i'm nort givin a damn bout her anymore. it jus keeps gettin suckier. people from our class esp the gals drew on ppl's faces. i onli decided to draw on hers. i jus dunno how to express myself bout her. guess i'm nort gud bout expressin myself. but who cares. it's my feelings within myself. maybe i'm biased against her. wadeva. today gort back my test results for geog and maths. quite satisfied wid my results. we alsho \played' this idiom game durin english. the fight was quite close between our grp and yx's grp. in the end we argue wid the teacher until she decided to let 2 grps win. then there was science test. guessed i'm gonna fail thou i hope nort to. ytd i was simply too tired to study for science. =(( sobX. after skool, i went out wid marcela. the other 3 IPW grp members went to joycelyn's house to do project. actually, to print survey. and she'll start sayin i din do any work and bla bla.. wadeva. heck her liaox. say wad she wants. but it's partly her fault. shan't continue. yay! tmr dunch haf commontest. *pHeW* can take it off my load. i just hate studyin. hees. but too bad.. but anyways, tmr's tymtable will be pushed up. but too bad wun ba able to go out for long. cos gort tuition. argh.. bz bz bz.. but anyway i'm once again declared broke. wad a failure. hahax.
`][=*^iN tHiS tYm Of FeAr WhEn PrAyEr So oFtEn PrOveS iN vAiN. hopE sEeMs LiKe De SuMmEr BiRd ToO sWiFtLy FlOwN aWaY+/*][`

2004-04-27T18:10:00.001+08:00

tired.. hungry... din felt like this before... ytd when i reached home, it was already 10 plus. gosh.. dunno how long ish this gonna carry on. on the mrt i was studyin for geography. i was so afraid that i wud fail that nort a single thing cud go into my mind. dumb me. guessed i'm nort cut out to study.. anything at all. i reached home and ate my supper then i did my hmwrk. halfway thru, i fell asleep. thinkin i cud wake up 5 mins later. guessed i was wrong. i had muscle craps at my leg when i was asleep. that was wad made me woke up. [because my sleepin position was in so that i wasn't near my alarm clock cos fell asleep just like that. on my bed] the next morn i woke up[today] and i prepared for skool. everything seemed fine. but when when i reached the bus interchange and boarded, i wasnt feelin ryte. guessed i was dying. i couldn't walk properly. i was parctically staggering. all the way from the bus to the skool. too tired? guessed so. charlene said i looked like drunken. for once i felt wad does tired means. at that moment i realli wished i could faint. i dunch wan start skool. durin lessons, my mood was even worst. i gort realli angry wid keeseng for once in my whole life. i nv gort angry wid him b4. durin maths lesson he wanted to borrow my eraser, then i cudn't hear wad he was talkin. cos usually he mumbles to himself. sho i just gort angry wid him. terrible me. on other days i'll endure wid his mumbles. but nort today. i knew sth was realli wrong. i cudn't think we. my whole mind was whirled up. then came PE. our 2.4km run. i was running halfway when i cudnt take it. stamina went down. wasnt in my ryte mind today. then i saw alina. i stopped runnin and she stopped wid me. her stomach was pain alsho. partly ish alsho she wanna accompany me. she's always lidat. haix. she everytym always wanna wait for me when she can run faster. then when finishin stretch, she told me to run in front. she'll be behind me to help me. actually she could've gotten a better tyming. haix. sho touched. she shdn't have done that. but realli beri grateful to her. then when the runnin fishied, everything was even worst. then again, alina was the mainly one who helped me again. thanx alot. shunda was there too. dunno to say him extra or say him concerned. mabel was there too. guessed i din hear her voice. hahax. ish always mabel and alina helpin me when i'm in this state after running. then weikeat asked hazel to tell mr quek.[hope he din know a single thing bout it. or nort why he was talkin bout it to the gals after PE.] but anyways i was okay after that. but seriously, i wanted myself to faint at that tym. just felt that i cudn't go on. but after PE i felt better. wasnt in such a bad mood. in class after PE, i found out sth weird. wei keat's hands were beri cold. erm.. weirdo? hahax. supposed to be hot, yet he was cold. [*rAiSeS eYeBrOw*]. charles went to the toilet for sho long to change. and when he came back, he started sayin, crisis. i tot was happened. hahax. bt that sth that happened to him was beri hilarious. hahax. shant say =X hahax. but after PE i was more tired. i practically slept during one of the teacher's lessons. at that tym, i was dreaming. i dreamt that i jumpin off a brick wall. then when i jump that tym, suddenly gort ppl wake me up. sho i din reach the ground. haahx. was that considered lucky or not? hahax. then couple of 1/2 hrs later it was geography. i was practically sleepin thru her lessons. i was tellin myself nort to sleep. but i slept in the end. guessed that biscuit saw me bahX. but she nb call me. sho nbm. haahx. after skool, there was study session. i was in the canteen wid cheng siang they all. then after that alicia went to attack jolyn then dunno wad happened in the end, jolyn went to byte chengsiang's back and hand. then chengsiang wasnt that happy. alsho dunno why must jolyn do that. haix. after that we had our study session and went home. today gort lotsa hmwrk to do but i'm just sho lazy. lazy me. i wanna sleep. sho tired. but i cant get myself to sleep. stress arhs. thursday, fri, sat all haf tuition. argh. why is it that when exams are nearing, the tutors just lurve to add sho mani extra lessons? crap...
`][=*^i JuX dUnNo HoW tO tHaNk AlL tHe SaCrIfIcEs U'vE mAdE jUz FoR mE+/*][`

2004-04-25T14:51:00.000+08:00

hmmss.. toiday's a slacking sunday. gort nth to do. did my life science quiz and helped shunda complete his too. wasnt that tough of work when most of the answers were provided by shun da and jiahua. cos i couldnt find anyone else to ask how to do liaox sho i decided to ask shunda. unfortunately they were out having survey[but at least there was help. but in return of cos i had to help shunda]. they sho fast. sheesh. our IPW group ish sho slack~ diaoX... i shant continue on. or nort i'll start sayin nasty things. =X hmpfs. my sister sho evil. she ytd promised to watch movie wid me liaox. then today she told me she dunch wan. say dunno wad alot of homework. *punch her in the face* sobx. sho she told me she'll go wid me tmr nyte after she cums bac home ard 6 plus? gosh sho late. i knew she was findin excuse nort to watch. sho i purposely agreed to watch wid her[and this tym she'd better keep her promise]. but nbm. at least get out of the house. cooped up in the house equals boredom. hope mum will allow us to go out. i'd better make sure tmr no hmwrk. =D my bg music ish up. all thanx to reuben. heeX thanx alot! i simply lurveee that song. ugh.. now i'm sho bored until i chanced upon this music scores website. sho i'm decidin to print out some music scores of songs. and if i can even know how to play.. it'll be miracle. hahax. sho can say i am just wastin my paper. hahax. told ya i haf nth else better to do. hahax. that's why the whole day i've been doin wu liao things. and i dunch wanna complete my maths. i'm sick of graphs. i hate em.. =(( *yAwNx*

ke^3x now it's 6. updatin my blog again. now i'm plain sianx. hahax. hazel's cumin bac from malaysia today. hope to see her soon! *cHuCkLeS* grr. i dunno if i am still angry over this. i am sumhow neutral to it but i force myself to get angry over it. but i think he should've just told me he din wan to tell ryte? instead of lying to me. all this while he has been lyin to me and he made the whole thing look as if sho real. then now he's sayin that he was lyin to me all the while! he is a great liar. he keeps lyin to me. last year again he made me angry. this year he ish repeatin it. wah lau! wad does he wan! like i beri easy to bluff lydat. idiot a**h**e. fcuk larhs. he just simply sucks. then he summore commented on another fren of mine which he knew that the comments about the person wud hurt me[and those comments are jus his assumptions which arent real. nort a single bit.]. it is as if he just placed 2 bombs beside and let them explode at the same tym. wad ish this man. grr. i am nort talkin to him. i think he totally sucks. sum other ppl still thinks he rawk. i hate him. wad does he wan man. tym and tym again he always tries to play tricks wid me. guessed i had enough. or rather i am immune to him liaox. cos he's just always likes to lie and then push everything to me. argh! cant stand him. wonder why did i even know him in the first place. i shouldnt have brought myself to trust him at all in the first place. i dunch wanna see him. ever. agian. argh.. i'll stop. shant put ppl into depression. talk bout happi things. my sisters are gonna bring me to watch dawn of the dead in jp. yays! they 2 can sneak me in.[or at least i hope. cos my eldest sis say GV beri strict.] ke^3x. cool eh. my second sister finally agreed to bring me go watch that movie. hahax. ish onli becos my eldest sister wanna go that's why she wanna bring me go. but nvm. can go watch can le. hahax. yays! i'm nort gonna care bout my hmwrk le. hahax. i alsho beri happy cos i found alot of music scores that i liked. but i wun be able to play it. hahax. cos i am useless at note reading. ke^3x. *hEaVeX* at least there are things to relieve me from this whole lyin thingy.
`][=*^LuRvE sToRiEs ArEnT fAiRy TaLeS. bEcAuSe FaIrY tAlEs ArE nEvEr EndInG.. sO wHy CaN't LuRvE sToRiEs Be As NeVeR eNdInG aS fAiRy TaLeS?+/*][`

2004-04-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

she doesnt allow us to print another class shirt. crap.. why cant we make another class shirt? the most we pay for those who have no money larh... now ppl know us as that international gay colour. haix. live wid it lors. today ish sho hectic. woke up at 11 plus. din wanna wake up from the beauty sleep. but xiao hui's call woke me up. she was tellin me bout tuition things. then i after that i did my music hmwrk and left for skool. we did maths again. freakin teacher. at least it passed my tym thou. then went for the talk. ms tay was talkin irrelevant points. wadeva greatest mother in the world and stuff. crappin all the way. after so, i left for my music lesson. my music teacher, ms koh, was in gud mood today. for once in a long long tym, she din lose her temper when my playin was real bad. then when lesson was about to end, she told me stuffs again like usually when her mood was gud. *pHeW* for once i din dread music lesson. aafter music lesson, i ate my dinner and had to rush to tuition within 30 mins. i was kinda late as xh they all were waitin for me at the void deck already. yeps. went up and had my tuition. couldnt concentrate. tired... dead.. i made jasmine upset when i din let her take my phone. she wanted to see my phone's images but i din let her. she was angry lors. but nvm bout her. she was okay after a while. time plassed slowly.. tick tock.. tick tock.. finally tuition ended. and i'm back home feelin sho tired. haix. tmr ish sunday. can haf a gud rest liaox. but i wan go out. ke^3x. i wan watch movie. my fren asked me go watch first 50 dates. she said it was nice. =(( she made me sho jealous. hahax.
`][=*^eVeRyOnE dIsCoUrAgEd Me FrOm MaKiN tHiS cHoIcE.. bUt I kEpT iT fRoM yOu.. NoW i'Ve MaDe ThIs cHoIcE.. wIlL i ReGrEt It?+/*][`

`][=*^u'LL aLwAyX bE dE fIrSt OnE tO cHeEr Me Up.. PuSh Me On... BuT wHy ArE u AlWaYx De OnE tO hUrT mE fIrSt?+/*][`

2004-04-22T18:51:00.000+08:00

today was an okay okay day. just that i 'enjoyed' myself more than those average days. maybe no one in particular 'angered' me bahX. but i guessed i pissed her off. i din mean to bahX. i think i sumhow hurt her or sth lydat. haix.. i'm realli showree. hope she's better now. =S during IPW, we onli met ms teo for 5 mins, then after that, we started to slack. cos she needed to meet other groups. then i was tokkin to mabel and alina at the railing. quite fun larhs. then sumtyms, i laughed like siao[er dunch mind me. guessed i am realli mad this week]. after skool i stayed back wid marcela. i rushed mrs tham's english hmwrk cos i missed her study session. marcela was there to accompany me. quite happi thou. she's sho sweet. then after that, 2/5's class shirt arrived. and their class shirt was sho nice. at least better than ours. sobX. arghhh!!! feel like a kuku. everyone's class shirt ish sho much nicer than ours. booHoo... tmr gonna wear a gay shirt.. purple in colour.. sobX. and.. tmr ish my doom's day. gonna run 4x100 and 200m. my individual run.. sure tok diao. the others sho gud runners lors. then for 4x100.. alsho can tok diao. esp when there's ann. crap!!! she run sho fast. tmr go exchange bodies wid her. =X
`][=*^iN pLaCeS nO oNe WuD fInD. aLL yOuR fEeLiNs So DeEp InSiDe. It wAs ThEn ThAt I rEaLiZeD. tHaT fOrEvEr WuX iN yR eYex. ThE mOmEnT i SaW u CrY+/*][`

2004-04-19T19:01:00.000+08:00

argh. there's sth wrong wid my blog but i dunno how to fix it. but nbm. shall leave it. too lazy to do anything. >.< today was a tiring day for me. i had a headache in the morning, but subsided after that. i was alsho sleepin thru the lessons. was beri tired. *YaWnS* lazy pig eh... then ms chua and bitch[MsRiZ ke^3x] see i nort payin attention then call me ans qn. then i beri de blur. but i think i managed to catch a BIT of wad they were sayin. or maybe my hearin aids spoil kE^3x. but seriously, today's lessons were boring. except that we could skip geog cos of the photo takin session. but it sucked. cos i had to sit on the chair. i'd rather prefer standing. grR... ended skool feelin sleepy.. after skool, alicia was tryin to get us to watch 'into the mirror'. she was going wid her *ahem* [wahhahaha~ sho sweet! esp watchin a horror movie 2gether *cHuCkLeS* i guess i am mad O.o ] then still wan us to go along. feel sho extra. but anyway i din wan go ish becos of alot of reasons. but i shan't state. >.P sho instead, i went to alina's house. i actually wanted to go run 2.4 there wan. but.. i went to eat lunch at her house [marcela was there too], then i slept there like a pig for 2 hours. hahax. alina and marcela were asleep too. when marcela woke up, her hair was in a mess. then she looked sho cuteee. =P after that we left alina's house. thanx to her i at least slept. if i am at my house, i wun be able to catch a proper nap. yeps.. and violla! back at home! sighs... exams are cummin soon. GaNbAtTe
`][=*^cHeRiSh, Is A wOrD tHaT yOu'LL nEvEr LeArN uNtIl U fElT tHe PaIn...+/*][`

2004-04-18T11:18:00.000+08:00

yawns.. it's sunday now. havent touched any of my hmwrk. guessed i'm lazy. the past few days seemed better for me. esp from the concern shown by my frenz. wux beri beri touched. =x.[MuAcKx].x= anyways, today ish a sianx day. from wad they told me, i can't believe that she was sho thick skinned. gosh.. =X ke^3x. hazel's back ish injured. hope she recovers fast enough for the napfa test. and hope this caterpillar thingy will postpone the napfa test sho hazel wu nid to retake her napfa test. ~taKKaiRe~ argh.. exams are coing. wonder how do i even cope wid everything. one day, studyin will kill the living hells outta me. ytd, boyuan[ex skool mate] msged me. he asked me what are the ways to commit suicide. which wud be better. he explained to me that he fought wid his cousin. and accidentally injured him. he wanted to kill himself before his aunt comes bac. if nort he wud suffer if his aunt knows. he totally shocked me to tears. i din expect him to kill himself. after i kept beggin him nort to kill himself, he decided to find another way to solve this problem. phew. i was afraid he wud kill himself. anw, i am still sick. arghh.. i dunch know how long can this sickly thing continue on. it's been about a month. goshhh... nbm. hope it's recovering soon. *sNiFf*
`][=*^BuBbLeGuM cHaRaCtErZ rAwKx!+/*][`

2004-04-16T15:08:00.000+08:00

today was a sucky day. yeps.. maybe i made it a sucky day for myself. luckily no one saw everything that happened. onli anjelina saw part of it. thank God. i onli felt better during ms chua's lesson. maybe her 'scoldin' allowed me to let everything out.[she scolded me cos it was readin period. but i din bring a book, and i alsho din have the normal mood to go find a book. i couldnt care less. she caught me without a book.][she looked sho concerned. i din know how she even firgured out that i wasnt my norm self. her concern realli touched me thou it was onli a few sentences.] thou i din wan to tell her wad has happened, she still made me feel better after all. then during lesson, joel and hazel saw wad i did and he just kept quiet, but hazel looked shocked. after that, during lesson, joel msged me on my hp. he told me to cheer up and stuff. he said alot of things that made me feel even better[before ms chua's lesson]. but i dunch think i am still better. i guess this whole thing has accumalated up within me since the last few weeks. maybe those recent events made it worst bahX> i myself can't even understand hu am i. it's jus that, there's sth wrong within me. but i dunch know wad. i tried tellin hazel. but i still cant get it out of me. guessed i'm meant to be like this~no one can understand me. neither can i. just feel like ending my life. guess it's meaningless. argh. off track. shouldnt say anything on this blog. i think i shall keep the rest to myself. anyway, after skool, i talked to joel for a while wid his probs, then i went out wid alina and anjelina to eat at clementi. after that they went to plant their orchids in tanglin secondary(for science)[dunno which one of them said they pity ms loh, sho go nudge another one to go join plantin orchids. they both dunch wan admit that one of em pity ms loh]then i went home. guess it's better to be at home bahX. for once i'd rather prefer my home.. [cos i hate my home ever since i was born]maybe that's the onli place no one can see my real feelings... today jux sucks. hopes no one cares about me. it'll onli add to their burden...
[tHeRe'S aLwAyS a BeNd In OuR lIfE tHaT cHaNgEs OuR eVeRyThInG... sUmThIn ThAt We LeAsT eXpEcTeD oF...]`][=*^tHe TeArS aRe De AgOnY wItHiN mE..sOmEtHiNg UnSpEaKaBlE oF..sOmEtHiNg ThAt I mYsElF cAnT fIgUrE oUt WaD's ThE aGoNy WiThIn ThOsE sMaLL dRoPs ThAt TrIcKlEs DoWn So NaTuRaLLy...+/*][` [TuRn LeFt TuRn RiGhT]

2004-04-15T22:58:00.000+08:00

sighs.. everything ish stressing me out lors. dunno why i just feel like exploding. kmaybe i should just scream everything out. haix.. guess i am gettin useless even more. then now when ppl tell me their probs, i just feel sho useless. i dunch even know wad to do. but cHeNgSiAnG told me that i shouldnt gif advises cos it mite affect their life... yea.. i think i shd onli listen. or maybe i am realli onli useless... guess i suck. i just feel sho stressed but i dunno wad ish botherin me..i hope this feelin will fade away...
`][=*^sTrEsSeD oUt+/*][`

2004-04-15T19:26:00.000+08:00

argh.. this toopid commontest realli ruined my day. grrr... i interpreted the qn wrongly, then my ans wrong. then worst still, the second part of the qn i answered wrong cos of my qn no. 1 ish wrong.. arghh... God pls help me.. sighs... i am hopeless. no one can help me bahX... ='(( haix... then after skool still gort netball.. crap larhs... it was sho tough lors. then coach bu shuang cos alot of ppl go to their remedial instead of comin for netball.. lame lors.. today lasho nort skool's CCa day. sho studies take ova CCa lorX... then summore she buoy song liaox, still cum totrture us during training. i think she's gettin madder.. arghhh... tue i din go for training and the others told me it was veri tough lors. phew.. luckily nb go. hahaz. urg... crap larhs... luckily today was the last trainin b4 exam. hu knows how crazier can coach get. feel sho tired now.. tmr ish friday!! yays~ finally friday ish a short day.. i wan go watch 'into the mirror' but too bad i am sho damn broke. hmm... hu asked me to spend practically my week's allowance on sunday.. sighhss... now wan watch a movie alsho cannot. thou i know it's gonna ba a lame horror movie, but still... for the joy of screaming. hahaz. guess i am mad bahX... haix... ~toopid person... everytym wait for me to do the things first. hmpfs. can't u for once be the person doin it?~
`][=*^cRaZi MeE+/*][`

2004-04-12T17:24:00.000+08:00

haix.. today was quite sucky in the earlier part of the day[luckily the rest of the day was okay when i reached skool]. when i wanted to sleep at around 12 plus in the morn, i saw this ultra big housefly in my room. it totally freaked me out. it's like twice the size of a normal housefly. then the buzzin sound effect sho loud, and when it hits the wall, the impact ish sho loud even wid my radio on. argh.. it totally freaked me out. i din dare to sleep for fear it mite enter my mouth of sth lydat. sho i waited until like 1 plus then i slept. when i was too tired to hide from that toopid housefly. wonder if it flew into my mouth. arghh.. dunch wan think bout it. then after that, i woke up late.[late for being that i was late to reach skool at my norm tym] then i was still slackin over preparin myself, i din really care bout my tym. hahas. i boarded the second bus that came, cos the first bus was too packed. unusual site for me. i tot i was gonna be late thou, but heng ahrs. saw sho mani commonwealthians. the best thing was, i saw hashima~ *~pHeW~* then she was wearin her tye, and that reminded me that i did nort bring my tye.. argh!! another unlucky thing! then, on the bus, i dropped the ring on my hand into some narrow and deep hole at the side of the bus[ArGh!]. i din know how to retrieve it. then i used my sissors to bring it in front, so it's easier to take. but gawd knows, i dropped that darn scissors. dunno where it flew to. but i'd rather take the ring first. finally i used a stick in my pencilbox to hook the ring out. luckily hashima helped me in a way or another. but the bad thing was.. i lost my scissors.. argh.. gonna miss it. sObx.. but i realli lurve that scissors of mine. =(( SiGhS.. just hafta buy another scissors. hahaz. *sHaReD sHo MaNi MeMoRiEs WiD iT* hahaz. sounds as if i lost a gr8 gr8 fren liddats. anyways, luckily i wasnt late for skool, i was worryin that i wud be late. yeps.. fOrGoTtEn To SaY: hApPy BuRfDaE cHeNg SiAnG dE fArMeR~! mUaCkX! hEeX. after assembly, we had life science. it was sho crappy, at least my group din fail that experiment. i tot we wud fail miserably. luckily we passed. *hEaVeS* phew. heh.. just found out that we are havin our napfas soon... my sit ups are deproving. my aim ish to do at least 45++ maybe 50? hahas. ppl surely think i mad ders. but my inclined.. arghh.. can fail lers.. sit and reach + standin broad jump ish okays.. shuttle run lahso can pas.. my 2.4 i think i mite fail, since sho long nb run le. hope can gat sth for this napfa. or it's gonna be miserable.. arghhh.. after skool, i stayed back in skool for a while then left. just nice marc came out and we met. sho we two went to eat mac together. hahaz. after eatin mac i was totally broke. but i had a beri long chat wid marcela. i kinda agreed to her thinking. hearin wad she said, i think it totally makes sense... it was a long tym in mac. after that we left for home. that was how this day ended... now.. i hafta do my hmwrk[after i sleep that is..] *yAwNx*
=i wanna buy a new phone! argh! my this current phone sho ugly. the resolution alsho sux. the stupid vibration alsho gone liaos. dunno how to live wid that hp.. dunch wan go service it cos scared mages all erased. argh!!! my phone sux. i wanna change phone!!! grrr... but there are no nice phones wid gd colour quality and cam ard now.. guess i hafta wait.. arghh.. choose hp like choose bf lydat. sho ma fan >.<=
`][=*^i GuEsS u DuNcH kNoW wAd IsH 'tReAsUrE'... u'D oNlI kNoW iT wHeN u'Ve LoSt It... Or MaYbE u WuN eVeN kNoW u'Ve LoSt It AlReaDy...+/*][`

2004-04-11T20:10:00.000+08:00

=+pls lors. it's nort her fault. why must u blame her.. blame me if u want. grrr...+=
sighs.. today ish beri sianx. but at least i went out =PpP hahaz. went out wid pUiYeN to bugis. we were supposed to buy present. but in the end, we ended up shoppin for our thngs. that was how i was declared bankrupt. sob sob. this week i can starve liaoz. hahaz. had fun going out wid her! =PpP alot of funnie funnie things happened. then laff like siao lydats. hahaz. everytym go out wid her can laff out all my stress. =)) *hEaVeS* yeps.. now that i am home, i am supposed to do my hmwrk. grrr.. hate it. nort doin liaos larhs... too lazy. hahaz. *WiNkS* tmr nid go skool again. sians.. this whole week no nid go home liaos. toopid cher. wan sho much out from us. wan us go nb training, still wan us go for study group. siao lors. tue thur sat gort such tough training until 7 on weekdays. sat still wan take up my tym. mon wed she still wan us go study. think we robot lydat. no nid haf other activities.. sho guo fen. grrr.. sho pissed. argh.. suddenly, i hate everything ard me more and more.
`][=*^ToTaLLy UsElEsS+/*][`

2004-04-07T18:16:00.000+08:00

today when i woke up, i was feelin okay.. until i came to skool... when i stepped into skool, it wasnt the feelin i had everytym when i went to skool lors. and the whole day, i was kinda depressed. i alsho dunno why. maybe it was cos of ytd... i think i've gone too far. i should've stopped the whole thing when i knew it was gg too far. but i cant help being ngri... sigh... i think i went overboard ba... just angry over such a matter... today was a totally sucky day for me. i did sth i shouldnt have done... sth which i promised them nort to... i dunno why i became like this. doin such things. maybe i'm addicted to doin it bahx... today first thing in the morning, i gort back my results. it totally sucked. i hate it... i failed 3 subjs, and god knows if my mum will drive me out of the house. i guess she's at her limit already... it doesnt pose an effect on me if i fail. cos i'm h-o-p-e-l-e-s-s.. i can't do things right. the prob ish, i dunch wan my mum to know how much i failed. guessed there's gonna be cold war between me and her.. again... just hate gettin my results back... after gettin results back, mrs tan told me to replace chun kiat in speechday. i wanted to watch the performance, budden, i din wan to be the onli gal from the class to go.. but.. just go wid the flow lors... sighs... gort back my geog test marks. was quite satisfied wid it. for once i can pass... after that i had life science. i slowly strolled to the lab.. ms loh was there. she started naggin and i talked back to her. then she sum classmates came shortly after that. she nagged at em, and i talked back too[dunno why i felt bu shuang wid her] then, he told me to shut up. was quite hurt. or maybe i shouldnt have been sho rude after all... during the science experiment, my grp totally failed the whole thing. we did it wrongly. the last part we messed the whole thing up. just hope we still can pass.. sighs. if we cant pass that experiment, i totally can drop dead at the count of 10... after skool, shuqi, marcela wendy and me went to westmall. we called joel after that, sho we could buy the materials for our class carnival[which totally sux]. then after that, we went jp[without joel] and went home. how i dread this day.. dread going home.. dread the sight of myself... i hate to see my mum... hope she wun throw me out of the house. sighs.. today realli suck. i broke down quietly durin lessons.. i broke down in my corner at home.. i dunno wad's wrong wid me... those tears cant seem to stop flowing.. i just hate myself...

~i'M sUcH a fAiLuRe.. I cAnT gEt ThInGs RyTe, BuT yEt I sTiLL hElP oThErS sOlVe ThEiR pRoB wHeN i CaNt EvEn SoLvE mInE... i SuCk~
[i HaTe MySeLf] `][=*^tHe sCaRs WuD bE tHeRe FoReVeR.. sCaRs ThAt ReMiNdS mE oF tHe PaIn AnD aGoNy...+/*][` [i SuCk]

2004-04-06T18:07:00.000+08:00

today i'm still sick. but i still did a bit of PE. the PE cher sho cute. when i tok to her, tell her i cant play, then i suddenly cough, then she belief me liaoz. hahaz.[e cough wasnt intentional]~ this week ish slacker's week man.. i think the whole year round, this wud be the week i'd lurve most. cos.. today, we were released early, then tmr can go out, no nid study for commontest. on thursday, we are let of early and i am nort gg for speech day as wadsoever audience. sho again, can go out. in addition, we dunch haf commontest! sho shuang. then on friday ish good friday. but i guess my tuition cant be cancelled. but at least it's a holiday. heh.. realli can slack this week. sho fun *YiPpEe* when i went to skool, the first thing i did was to sleep. becumming more lazy baHs... *yAwNx* sighs.. today when i went to skool, i found out that i left my personal diary at home. crap larhs.. for the whole day i was worryin about my diary. u think i am kinda mad ryte. but, i scared later my maid will read it. she reads my sisters' stuff. sighs. hope she doesnt even touch that book a single bit. or i am gonna die. i'm nort gonna let anyone in my family know wad's happening in my life. *bOoHoO* she ish being nice to me onli when she gorts a request. other tyms when she has no request, she will nort care bout others' feelins lors... haiz. i know i'm bad for sayin bout her.. but i am tryin to bear wid it. one day, soon enough, i'll explode. *sObX* afetr skool, we had no netball cos nort enuff ppl to train.[either in speech day or sick] wahhahahahah. sho nice~ plus, almost half of the skool was participatin in the speechday. sho.. it was like... half of the skool ish still in skool, while the others can go out. besides there's no nb training. sho alina and i went to jp to get sth. but instead we went shoppin and talkin around jp. we saw cheng siang and xiao hui when we arrived at jp. they were eatin ice cream~ too bad i cant eat. =(( in jp, alina and i saw those actors and actresses. they were filming sth. they looked funni and we started to laugh. esp at this particular actress. i'm sho mean. hahaz. =)) yeps. after that we went to buy sth to eat and we went home. sighs.. after gg jp, i became broke. hahaz. dunno how to survive the whole week. esp when i wanna go out. =X hmmss. -long entry-
`][=*^i GuEsSeD.. i WuX tOo NaIvE..+/*][`

2004-04-05T18:13:00.000+08:00

sighs... ytd i couldnt get to sleep cos i wux coughin sho badly in my sleep that i felt i was dying... bleahs. today we had a soccer match between 2/1 and 2/3. din realli had much confidence in my class at first. but they won in the end!~ 2/1 rox! budden my class ppl nort enthu ders. they all nv go support. sighs.. but nvm.. they won in the end! today our class had our class t-shirt. one of the first few to get their class shirt. but.. i think it doesnt look nice thou. it was damn plain. and the word, CSS in front, looks like clouds.. wonder wad kinda shirt was it. =X but anyway shawn had to take his effort to help us design. sho.. thanx anyways. today i was sicker than other days. just hate it. i used sho mani tissues. ahhaz. guess i am dyin soon. she was kinda mean. thou she din show it out, i could sense it. argh.. maybe i shouldnt care sho much about her lors.. just let her do wad she wants bahX... i think i lasho shouldnt think sho much bout it lors. sighs... now i saving up money to buy their presents. hahaz. hope i can make it in tym to get their prez. today ms riz was sho sucky. she kept confisticatin things from people. esp kee seng. even a small little calendar alsho wan take. dunno wad's in her mind sia! she totally sucks. even those little things like strigs alsho wan take. finle and a dictionary alsho wan confiscate. siao liaoz. i was sho pissed wid her that i go diao her. i know it's kind rude. but it totally hate her lors. siao wan. hate her forever. then she alsho made sumone angry when she confiscated another person's things. hahaz. =X hope he doesnt see this. or i'll die tmr. hahaz. poor kee seng.. hafta go plead ms riz bac for his things. ms riz was sho heartless lor. suckz. and yay! tmr no nid see mr quek in the morn liaoz! and never wud we nid to see him liaoz! freedom! =)) sighs.. now everyone's askin and i am denying... wonder how long can i hide this... =X
`][=*^u JuZ cUm BaCk To HaUnT mY mEmOrIeZ+/*][`

2004-04-01T19:24:00.000+08:00

hApPiE aPriL fOoL's! today ish april fool's but no one played tricks. guessed it's grown up le bahx. today had geog... ytd nite din manage to study finish the required chapters. but at least yx kept me awake and reuben help me wid my geog. but still i din finish studyin and plonk, i fell asleep. the next day[today], i started to panic. in skool i kept studyin like siao. luckily shunda was there to help. he patiently explained to me all those important points. he made me understand the chapter more than i ever could imagine. cos my geog sucks and i can't figure out this whole geog thingy. he made me understand it better and it helped me in the test. and he was damn patient. i kept makin mistakes. thanx shunda! after skool, the guys went to the huayi there to play bball. then i went wid shuqi and joel to cck to watch scooby doo 2. joel treated us. wahhahaha. sho nice of him. in cck, saw alot of ppl. saw charlene and huishan at minitoons. marcela and wendy accompanied us to buy tix then they go study at mabel's house. scooby boo was quite funnie. after the movie, we saw marcela and wendy again. sho qiao. they going to lib, cos they couldn't find mabel's house. but after that we shopped wid em. [joel was there too. hahaz] we went to take neoprint. wid joel too. hahaz. quite farnie larhs. he didnt' wan us to let anyone see the pic. cos he feel paiseah. hahaz. then we walked for a while and all of us went home. at level 1, we saw shipei. guessed she was buyin food again. hahaz. make herself 'chubbier'. at the mrt there, we alsho peng qiao saw mabel and ziyun. ziyun was gg home from mabel's house and mabel accompanied her to the train station. ahahz. then marcela and wendy sho poor thing. like being tricked lydat. the 1 and half hours, they were searchin for mabel's house. hahaz. but after that we all went home larhs.. sho tired.
`][=*^aPriL fOoL's DaY~i JuSt FeEl LiKe A fOoL...+/*][`

2004-03-31T21:45:00.000+08:00

hmms.. today was quite an ordinary day barhs. during science lesson, i 'cut' myself at the wrist there. jasmine saw those scars and she thought i was in depression again. then she kachiao me. ask me why i did it again. she was like sho concerned lydat. was quite touched thou... hahaz. but then in the end i told her that i onli used pen to draw. hahaz. i sho evil ryte. hmms.. guessed sho bahX.. haiz. now all the tournaments end liaoz. i'm happi, but i know i'll miss it... finally can go home as and when i like. but.. i'll miss those talks we have during the long bus trips to kallang.. realli poured out my feelings to sum of the netballers lor. it was realli fun thou. dunno when will it be the next tym i can 'vent' all these. =((
`][=*^WiLL i ReGrEt It?+/*][`~LoSt iN YoU

2004-03-30T20:00:00.001+08:00

heh. back! today muh day wasnt as bad as i thought. but she continued to laugh at my attire. haiz. i dunno wad's wrong wid her. how i wished i din hear it.. i just want to end this attire thingy faster. sigh.. i hate it. tmr we still hafta meet the duckie. he was too much lor.scolded the c div athletics boys lor... he scolded em vulgarities. such an over board teacher. he wants the sports people to follow his own set of rules since the skool can't accept his set of rules. overboard. thks he sho high and mighty. i hate him! today ms riz had her 'judgement' day[so as wad she said] mdm chang, mrs yip(mushroom) and mrs annie lim was there invigilating her. hahaz. i purposely showed attitude[well, i am always attitude, but wadeva. hahaz] i dunch wan her to past her damn test!!! i dunch wan her to becum a teacher!!! hahaz. our class was slightly more unparticipated today. hahaz. guessed they din wan ms riz to pass her test too. anyways after skool went to mac to eat then went to watch movie cos jas gave me a pair of complimentary tix cos she dunch wan watch movie liaoz. i intended to watch wif alina. but after that jas say she wan watch and ask me gif her bac the tix. hahaz. but i dunch wan gif. then we were quarrellin over whose tix were they. hahaz. then alina took it and say she treat me. wahhhahaha. being mean to jasmine. =)) but in the end jas went wid me and alina and he had to pay one-third of her ticket to be fair. sho everyone had to pay in the end. sobsob. hahas. watched the eye 2[again] as there weren't any other movies. sighs.. but at least i enjoyed scarin em durin the movie. hahas. =))
`][=*^SoOn EnUfF... tHe TiMe WiLL cOmE...+/*][`

2004-03-29T21:21:00.000+08:00

boohoo.. today i woke up late. late for me to take the bus to skool and reach at 7 on the spot. guessed wasnt used to it. wasnt used to not gettin reminded the day before... usually he reminds me and i;ll set the alarm. guessed i alsho no mood to go to skool in such an attire alsho... skool is dreadin everyday for me from this day onwards. went to assemble at the bball court at 7 when i reached skool. quek thinks that our image reflects on our discipline. dunch crap wid me lor. i think discipline comes withi oneself. grrr.. mr quek ish reallie too much. i can't take it... bein sho toot the whole day. even she laughed at my attire. haiz... i tot she wouldnt have done that. but... maybe my thinkin was wrong ba... the more i told her why i had to be this toot, the more she started laughin and givin out rude comments. =(( was a damn suckie day for me. there was even worst to come... went for netball match against katong convent. we lost. well, could've won if not for my dumb and silly mistakes. hate myself... i alsho fell on court. had bruises on my elbows again. sobsob. at that tym i realli wanted to cry cos that fall was quite big. but when i saw how concerned coach was, i decided to get up. but too bad, i performed badly... after the match, went back to skool. mrs tham talked to us, and mrs terrence came along. then followed by ms tay, then by mrs yip. all askin bout our game. both mrs yip and ms tay crapped a lot. i was rude when mrs yip was talkin. i started to laugh at her for no reason. then the more i looked at her, the more i felt she looked like a typical mushroom. hahaz. [durin the talk, mrs yip kept commentin on mr quek who knows how to train his athletes which pissed me off eventually] after the talk by mrs yip, mrs tham finished off wid some quick sentences and we left. on our way from the skool to the bus stop, puiyen and i kept laughin like no body's business. we kept laughin at how mushroomy mrs yip looked. i was like a siao cha bo. but that was the longest and happiest laugh i've ever had in a long long whille... =)) thou the day sucked, but that long laugh sumhow cheered me up.
tHe ClOcK iS tIcKiNg.. TiCkInG sHo FaSt... TmR wIlL bE aNoThEr DaY fOr Me To HaTe AgAiN...tickin

2004-03-28T22:17:00.000+08:00

guess wad? my blog ish officially up! yay! okais that was crap. hahaz. hafta thank reuben for helpin me wid the tagboard and indirectly chalrene. cos i copied sum of her ideas. hehe. showree... =(( have been sick for 2 days and din bathe for as long as i was sick. [hey.. i was too weak to bathe. wahhahahaha] hahaz. sho dirty rite. i've been home for more than 48 hours.hmpfs. being sick isn't a gud thing. boohoo. tomorrow will be monday. monday ish when my skool of rules world belongs to mr quek. i will be lookin sho toot u wudn't even wanna know me. why ish mr quek doin this to us? argh. i wanna skip skool on monday. but it's nort onli monday we hafta do this to torture ourselves, to lay down our pride... it's more than monday... want to skip skool cos i alsho hab the m.c for tmr. but decided nort to. cos tmr gort netball match, wanna be there to support my team mates. how contradictin am i. one moment i hate netball. one moment i wan the team to win tmr. i dunno wad's in my head now..

*/][iF tMr NeVeR cUmS aNd E cLoCk StOpS aT 11:59:59pM tOdAy][\*

2004-03-28T19:21:00.000+08:00

hmm.. finally got my blog up! yays! the first blog i made on my own. (excluding opendiary). i think i am gettin a bit bonkers here.